tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post8156642127174281992..comments2023-11-14T17:44:05.708+03:00Comments on Mai to the Extreme: The Beginning of our Time DivisionUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-60610886772614581192011-01-20T15:42:16.199+03:002011-01-20T15:42:16.199+03:00Your last comment to me was spot on. And it was ex...Your last comment to me was spot on. And it was exactly what I lacked when I was in Polygyny. I felt it as HIM that was doing it to me. I did not look for the good in it, or blessing in it. This is why it tore me apart! When I should have used it as an opportunity to grow. Alhamdulillah, that Allah allowed me to find your blog, and that you take the time to respond to comments.UmmSalwaanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-5006512105873043972011-01-20T10:43:20.282+03:002011-01-20T10:43:20.282+03:00Mashaa'Allah, Anonymous...you really made me s...Mashaa'Allah, Anonymous...you really made me smile! I love to benefit and find kindred spirits!<br /><br />Did you read my post, "I'm tired of all these stories about love?" It was exactly about what I feel should be the correct foundation of love. If that kind of real love exists, everything else takes on a completely different perspective. <br /><br />As for Zainab, I'm writing a post about her, sight unseen...because I appreciate her already. It is hard to believe I will not like her, but even if something doesn't work well between us, I appreciate her being my husband's wife. Jazaaki Allahu khayran and ameen to your dua'.Healing Earthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01434544812025924667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-26821194651873507122011-01-20T10:31:19.020+03:002011-01-20T10:31:19.020+03:00Even though YOU haven't even met her yet, I fe...Even though YOU haven't even met her yet, I feel an affection for your co-wife Zainab, in that your attitude insha Allah has allowed her the benefits of married life. May you be rewarded Insha Allah!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-35866312612892095372011-01-20T10:22:16.151+03:002011-01-20T10:22:16.151+03:00you exactly answered my question, shukran! I think...you exactly answered my question, shukran! I think your approach is spot on and that ALL married women should be reminded of the Islamic purpose of marriage to eradicate 'movie-in-love' contamination. AlhumduLillah reading your blog has even improved my (monogamous) marriage insha Allah in terms of focusing on Allah, not taking things so personally and letting my husband be his own person. <br />Also remember that even the husband of the Queen of Jannah (Fatima RA)indicated a desire to marry someone else - therefore there is no reason for first wive's to feel inadequate - men have their own reasons for doing things. One of the religious scholars here, regularly says that the reward for a woman who accepts her husband's remarriage is that of a martyr, but I'm still trying to get the source (whether it is Hadith or how he draws that conclusion).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-14588549562067569212011-01-20T08:55:38.522+03:002011-01-20T08:55:38.522+03:00@Umm Salwaa. It's not about what others do to ...@Umm Salwaa. It's not about what others do to you, it's about how you react. Allah sent it all and it's all to bring us to a better place in relation to Him. Polygyny does just that...it returns us to Allah and strips away the pedestal we sometimes put our husbands on. <br /><br />Don't question the nature of creation, just take whatever comes and own it. Accept it as especially yours, from ALLAH not your husband, sent as a blessing. Find the good in it, seek the blessings in it, and learn and grow from it. If it increases you in imaan, taqwa, and tawakkal, then you've gained greatly in your Jennah account.Healing Earthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01434544812025924667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-91950240614586589632011-01-20T07:34:08.637+03:002011-01-20T07:34:08.637+03:00@Jaiyana again...sorry, I forgot to answer your qu...@Jaiyana again...sorry, I forgot to answer your question. I cannot say whether I like my co-wife or not because I haven't met her yet! That should be happening soon, inshaa'Allah, and then I'll be able to answer inshaa'Allah.Healing Earthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01434544812025924667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-5912835296153687912011-01-20T06:53:06.377+03:002011-01-20T06:53:06.377+03:00@Umm Assad: Wa alaykum as salaam wa Rahmat Allah ...@Umm Assad: Wa alaykum as salaam wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.<br /><br />Hmmm. Where do I start? You do not have to detach yourself emotionally. You can have the "in love" relationship. If your husband does things well, nothing will change that dynamic. What you have in your marriage will not disappear. In fact, it may get better because he has more peace of mind and the chance to express the various sides of himself more freely. <br /><br />My detachment is not one where I view my husband as just another body in the house. We are still us, holding hands, laughing together, sharing our thoughts, loving each other. It isn't that I don't love him, it's just that he isn't my "world," my source of happiness, or the one to cause me pain. Allah is my "world" and my source of happiness, and I am the one to cause myself pain. My husband is the person Allah put in my life to strive with and enjoy the good and the bad. <br /><br />For you to keep the "movie love," for lack of a better expression, the only thing that you will have to do is accept the fact that he can and does love someone else. It doesn't diminish what you have, but it exists and you will have less time with him. Otherwise, just live as usual and focus on what you have.Healing Earthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01434544812025924667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-34646420068584395782011-01-20T06:27:16.323+03:002011-01-20T06:27:16.323+03:00@Sarah bint Muhammad: wa alaykum as salaam wa Rahm...@Sarah bint Muhammad: wa alaykum as salaam wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.<br /><br />You are a smart cookie, mashaa'Allah! You understand exactly where I am. <br /><br />I'm living in this dunya with the goal of the aakhirah. I sniff the flowers along the way and enjoy all of Allah's blessings on the journey, but I don't give these dunya-related issues overdue weight or importance in my heart or mind, because they aren't the goal, they are just obstacles on the course. I relate everything to my Jennah quest, lol, and see how it can help me get there.Healing Earthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01434544812025924667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-20385186930424604632011-01-20T06:20:40.968+03:002011-01-20T06:20:40.968+03:00@ Duchess, Jazaaki Allahu khayran and inshaa'A...@ Duchess, Jazaaki Allahu khayran and inshaa'Allah you will get to that beautiful place too, where you take benefit from all Allah sends you with a happy heart - ameen! <3Healing Earthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01434544812025924667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-47841016998802452652011-01-20T06:17:38.722+03:002011-01-20T06:17:38.722+03:00@Jaiyana, there is a big difference between your s...@Jaiyana, there is a big difference between your situation and mine. I have children and have been married longer. Also, because we have had a previous, messed up experience, many things are being done more carefully with responsibility and foresight. It is often the case the the first polygyny experience has a whole load of mistakes in it. You just keep on trucking girl, because when you are confident in yourself, have a life and interests going on, and everything is happy in your own space with your own marriage, then what is there to make you unhappy. Your world is good.Healing Earthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01434544812025924667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-722288822317473052011-01-20T06:13:03.756+03:002011-01-20T06:13:03.756+03:00@Umm Hamza...you got that right, "Wifey Break...@Umm Hamza...you got that right, "Wifey Breaks" are beautiful things, lol. Barak Allahu feeki wa fee hayaatiki ukhty. Ameen and wa iyaaki to all your dua'!Healing Earthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01434544812025924667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-11539205160093774692011-01-20T06:10:58.149+03:002011-01-20T06:10:58.149+03:00@ Mrs. Khan, Jazaaki Allahu khayran. It is all abo...@ Mrs. Khan, Jazaaki Allahu khayran. It is all about accepting gladly whatever Allah sends you. If it isn't good for you, He won't test you with it. I think it is important to know that if something is sent to us, then we can handle because Allah tells us clearly, "Allah does not burden a soul with more than it can bear." (last ayah, Baqara).Healing Earthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01434544812025924667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-26199136140925831932011-01-20T06:07:25.806+03:002011-01-20T06:07:25.806+03:00@Sweetlikechocolate: Jazaaki Allahu khayran. I'...@Sweetlikechocolate: Jazaaki Allahu khayran. I'm planning to make the most of it, inshaa'Allah. Allah sent it to me, so there is much good for me to find in it. I pray the same for you and for a beautiful resolution to your difficulties - ameen. <3Healing Earthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01434544812025924667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-22241673414479805262011-01-20T04:27:08.608+03:002011-01-20T04:27:08.608+03:00May Allah reward you hun. I hope Allah will allow ...May Allah reward you hun. I hope Allah will allow me to see the good in all situations xxxDuchesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12763615720507261932noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-66810906539153500272011-01-20T01:34:51.843+03:002011-01-20T01:34:51.843+03:00Asalamu alikum.. you are wonderful.Masha'Allah...Asalamu alikum.. you are wonderful.Masha'Allah. Detachement from the dunya doesn't mean that you shouldn't own anything but that nothing should own you. I think this is how mai handles things. lol.Muslimah for Jannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08195696882589283492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-3753019957837871542011-01-20T01:29:38.338+03:002011-01-20T01:29:38.338+03:00I am not sure if Polygyny is a subject that can be...I am not sure if Polygyny is a subject that can be rationalized. I try to remind myself that this is what Allah has ordained, And He as our creator knows what is best for us. The Quran are the words of Allah, and he limited the number of wives to four. Everything in this Dunya is a test from Allah. But the man who chooses Polygyny is up for a real challenge when the newness wears off. He is accountable before Allah. And if he is unjust there is a severe punishment. I am in no way implying this is easy for the woman! But Allah our creator and sustainer is Just.UmmSalwaanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-45537859376886118482011-01-20T00:35:42.802+03:002011-01-20T00:35:42.802+03:00Salams Mai, sounds like a lot going on right now. ...Salams Mai, sounds like a lot going on right now. It's great you are such good spirits. As I'm reading your post and the comments I'm wondering do you think if a wife isn't emotionally detached from her husband she will have a much harder time adjusting to being in polygyny? I don't know to me that sounds so sad, lol Jaiyana now I'm "Debbie Downer" but seriously like if your in love, and you have a family it doesn't seem fair a woman should have to make yourself feel less love for her husband in order to tolerate polygyny? I don't know, I guess if a woman wanted to stay married that may be the least painful option for her. This is a really hard subject to understand. I try to rationalize and "get it", but when I see or hear of painful situations that's when this whole idea begins to elude me. Allah knows best. I pray for you the best Mai, and I look forward to your response.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-50073253249923894732011-01-19T23:52:52.345+03:002011-01-19T23:52:52.345+03:00Salaams, wow, much different experience then when ...Salaams, wow, much different experience then when my husband remarried. I guess every situation is different, and perhaps the previous polygamy experiences you had prepared you for this one much better. This is my first, so it is still a daily struggle. Do you like your cowife?Jaiyanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03641336790118273905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-53599138332865412572011-01-19T23:01:44.233+03:002011-01-19T23:01:44.233+03:00Salam Walaykum! I'm so happy to hear you'...Salam Walaykum! I'm so happy to hear you're doing well, alhamdulillah. Sometimes marriage can be like a pressure cooker and to have a wifey break is like letting out a bit of steam and saying ahhhhhhh :) subhan Allah! May Allah continue your peaceful feelings and bless your family (and co-family) and increase your Eman, Ameen!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-59800149061791030412011-01-19T22:46:53.801+03:002011-01-19T22:46:53.801+03:00Salam,
Wow I give you soo much respect. I never...Salam,<br /><br /> Wow I give you soo much respect. I never understood how a woman be able to deal with this situuation. Makes a lot of since. Personally I dont think I will be able to do it, but I respect you and other women that do. Your Deen Insha'Allah will be rewarded by Allah (swt)<br /><br />Salam,<br /><br />LizaWritings on the wallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04233892137147907647noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-45441089924896060532011-01-19T21:36:06.364+03:002011-01-19T21:36:06.364+03:00Alhumdulillah!
I really hope this experience is on...Alhumdulillah!<br />I really hope this experience is one where you really benefit for yourself personally InshaAllah.sweetlikechocolatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12130911562586487230noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-25579490308268899872011-01-19T20:55:29.007+03:002011-01-19T20:55:29.007+03:00Umm Salwaa...Oops! Forgot to say, AMEEN to your du...Umm Salwaa...Oops! Forgot to say, AMEEN to your dua'!Healing Earthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01434544812025924667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-48092777328319182992011-01-19T20:55:05.515+03:002011-01-19T20:55:05.515+03:00Umm Salwaa,
Now you put what I said into a nutshel...Umm Salwaa,<br />Now you put what I said into a nutshell, yes I detached emotionally where I needed to and attached emotionally where I needed to. I detached from the idea of him being Mr. Perfect My Everything Ideal Muslim and attached to him being the person Allah chose for me to go through this dunya with and support in our efforts for Jennah. I'm planning to write something about why I'm happy to have a co-wife. I'm not sure if you will be able to relate, because our husbands and situations are different. However, inshaa'Allah, there will be something that you can identify with. Although it seems like they are just pursuing their own desires, often they do it for the good of the marriage and to place on someone else a burden that may be too much or unpleasant for the existing wife. They are trying to follow their personal agenda, but ideally they also want to keep everyone happy.Healing Earthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01434544812025924667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-91021798700638851982011-01-19T20:11:40.117+03:002011-01-19T20:11:40.117+03:00Subhan Allah!! So you basically detached emotiona...Subhan Allah!! So you basically detached emotionally from your husband because he held a power over you. The power to hurt you. The emotional aspect of polgyny is what confuses me. They know it is going to hurt you, affect you and your marriage. But they still do it!! Is their own agenda...a selfish agenda? I am no longer in polygyny...but I fear it!! I am just not sure if I can emotionally detach myself, and see things for how they really are. Maybe I am just overly jealous! They get someone brand new! <br />It all boils down to the Qadr of Allah...Alhamdulillah alah kulli haal!! May Allah help us to be satisfied with his Qadr!! AmeenUmmSalwaanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852649203273943364.post-15032400860571878272011-01-19T17:59:40.652+03:002011-01-19T17:59:40.652+03:00@Anonymous, jazaaki Allahu khayran.
My feelings t...@Anonymous, jazaaki Allahu khayran.<br /><br />My feelings towards my husband constantly changed the more I got to know him and about him. From his reaction in our first disagreement and the first time he hurt me, emotionally I mean, I did what is natural for all of creation - I detached a part of myself. By the time polygyny was an issue, I was already in a very real place about our relationship. I want to see him be the best Muslim he can be, so he will be the best father and husband he can be. However, I know he is human, and just as he has things that I appreciate and love, he also has things I do not want any part of. I know he can say the same about me. So, I'm not slushy, slurpy head-over-heels in "movie love" with my husband...and when he acts according to his own agenda, I cannot take it personally. I am only answering to Allah for myself. That's enough detachment for me to keep things real. <br /><br />Hmmm. Did that answer the question, or did I just babble?<br /><br />Anyway, you will not feel the same way about your husband if he takes another wife. It isn't bad though, it is more of a greater appreciation of the good things and less emotional attachment to someone who has the power to hurt you,even if he doesn't mean to.Healing Earthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01434544812025924667noreply@blogger.com