Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Hold on to Your Hijab...

Bism Illah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

Ever get the timing all wrong and express your feelings, only to receive a really negative reception? How about when it seems to get worse and worse, whether you stay quiet or try to speak?

Basically, shaytaan has set up a big fairground, with his army of shayaateen running the rides, between you and that person. Be it your husband, friend, relative, or employer, nothing can get through to them without going through the fairground of fitna and that rotten devil's interference.

These are times when, although you desperately want to communicate and try to garner understanding and positivity, you will not succeed. These are times when you have to hold on to your hijab (or perhaps kufi, LOL) and bide your time. Believe me, I'm writing this because I need to take my own advice, LOL.

You may write down your feelings, get into details about your perspective, and even try to make an objective list of pros and cons... or 70 excuses. However, instead of handing them over or pressing send on the e-mail, pray 2 rakat and sit down with that list and pour it out to The Therapist. Take it to Allah. Just doing that will ease your heart and mind. It also puts the whole situation over to the Only One Who has any control over it and any power to change it for the good.

Allah will not change your situation if you think you can handle it yourself...and wouldn't that be idiotic thinking anyway?

 Allah says: “Call upon Me. I will answer you.” [Sûrah Ghâfir: 60] 

So, call upon Him and let Him resolve the situation in the most perfect way; in a way you would never be able to in your lifetime. Don't delay in turning to Him, so He doesn't delay in answering...and remember, holding on to your hijab drives shaytaan crazy. Allah is with the patient...and shaytaan has to run.  By the time you've handed it over to Allah and exercised patience, shaytaan will have been forced to pack up and take his fairground somewhere else.


  1. Allah also says "for Allah is with those who patiently persevere" 2:153.
    Please sisters keep adding more verses about patience. So that we may all benefit.

  2. "And He (Allah) compensated them because they were patient, with Paradise and silken garments." 76:12

  3. "The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better, then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, as though he was a close friend. But none is granted it except those who are patient - and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of happiness in the hereafter, i.e. Paradise and of high moral character)in this world." 41:34-35

  4. This is extremely beautiful and relevant, mashaa'Allah. Enjoy!

  5. Assalam o alaikum my dearest Mai,
    "Ever get the timing all wrong and express your feelings, only to receive a really negative reception? How about when it seems to get worse and worse, whether you stay quiet or try to speak?" yep that's me. you got me again. this is one of those areas i struggle time and time again.there's another situation i find myself losing battle against shaytaan almost all the time. this is when someone or two i should add say something or do something really hurtful but in a very cool and casual way. i try to stay normal act nicely which make me even more miserable inside with big lump in my throat. i try not to tell my husband Always. but with in a week or two one emotional blow and i end up telling my husband. he tells me inshaAllah hon you're gonna get reward of your sabr BAMM!! you see now not only i lose all my thawab of previous situation i end up doing gheebah as well. what to do? how to do? plz advise.

  6. Mashallah I like that saying hold on to your hijabs, lol

    (Surah 39. Az-Zumar Ayat 10) Say (O Muhammad): "O My slaves who believe (in the Oneness of Allah - Islamic Monotheism), be afraid of your Lord (Allah) and keep your duty to Him. Good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world, and Allah's earth is spacious (so if you cannot worship Allah at a place, then go to another)! Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning."

  7. What is going on?? I assumed when you said you were 'under pressure' it was because of your Arabic studies....

  8. Umm Bilal,

    It's not easy for us, as women, to hold things inside - Qadr Allah. However, is the reason you feel more miserable when you stay normal and act nicely because you are unable to be honest and express your true feelings? Although I understand that different situations warrant different actions, I would suggest that you inform the person/people who have hurt you when they do it. Once you've released your feeling honestly and simply, you may not feel the need to talk to someone else.

    In fact, the times when I am driven to talk to others is when I am not allowed, or able, to express myself freely to the person who has upset me. Being forced to lie or hide your feelings is extremely oppressing.

    Not all of us can internalize things well. In truth, it isn't healthy to internalize things. We are just told that if we cannot say anything nice, we mustn't say anything. Perhaps if that was adhered to, the problem wouldn't have arisen in the first place?

    There are some things i learned in my interpersonal relations course in college, which are useful when expressing upset or hurt with someone else. Use "I" statements. In this way, you are informing the person how you feel, not accusing them of what they did. For example, "I feel hurt when you throw my things away without telling me." There is a big difference between that and saying, "Why did you throw my things away without telling me?" The second is an accusation that puts the person on the spot. The first is explaining how you feel about their actions.

    Although we do need to bear things with patience, we also are commanded to enjoin the right and forbid the wrong. If we don't do that, we take some of the sin of the situation upon ourselves. To simply state how you feel about something is not a crime; it doesn't mean you don't have sabr. However, once you've done that, if the other person/people don't react well or in some way clear the air, then you take it to Allah.

    I'm not sure whether you would still need to tell your husband if you'd addressed the issue with them, but you only end up with the sin of gheebah if you speak about them in a way that they wouldn't like. If you need to run a situation by your husband, make it anonymous and don't give details that are too telling or biased.

    In some situations, shaytaan has such a grip on at least one of the parties, that it renders the other with no other option but to seek refuge with Allah and try to protect themselves from being sucked into the fitna of it. Then, if they slip and end up pleasing shaytaan, they are thrown into even more despair. It is a major stressor; one that debilitates me.

    I don't know if I gave any advice here or not. I think we need to use Quran and hadith in our reminders and responses to others. I think that sometimes it is easier to simply quote one hadith and follow it up with, "May Allah forgive and guide us all."

  9. Anonymous,

    I am under pressure from many aspects but really it is all about Allah refocusing me.

    Every now and then we need to be reminded that we are insignificant, inadequate, and insufficient. It is essential so we don't fall into kibr, riya, or lose the benefits of His tests. There is no life for believers without tests. The stronger the believer, the stronger the tests. Things will not sail along with high emaan and tawakkal, without Allah stepping up the pace so that we can continue to grow and learn.

    I am being reminded that Allah is first, that I am second, and that my family is third. I am a person to give, try, struggle, and strive to please everyone around me and welcome the challenges presented to me. Allah has shown me that I must please Him and focus my efforts on the most important things, inshaa'Allah. Too many distractions and detractors are stretching me too thin.

    I'm at a stage where I cannot climb every mountain, so I'm focusing on the one that gets me closest to Allah. I'm trying to protect my own soul, bi ithn Illah. The other mountains will have to be conquered by someone else.

  10. Assalamualaikum Mai...

    I totally agree with you. Are we in the same spot?

  11. Wa alaykum as salaam wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh Black Jubah...

    Perhaps we are in the same spot, LOL! Al hamdul'Illahi 'ala kully haal!

    Barak Allahu feeki my dear sister!

  12. As salamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

    First and foremost Sister I love you for the sake of Allah.

    Masha Allah all that you have written is true, take this to Allah subhana wa ta'ala as it is HE alone who can get you through whatever fitna is going on around you.

    This post benefits me also in a way only you can imagine.

    Fe aman Illah

  13. Assalam u alaikum wa rahmatullahi wabarakatuh
    JazakAllah Mai for this advice, i hope its ok with you if i copy it. reading something again and again helps me getting more of it absorbed firmer into my heart and mind. JazakAllah again for your time and kind words. may Allah help you with your quests and lift off those pressures Ameen thumma Ameen.

  14. Wa alaykum as salaam wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh Umm Bilal,

    Wa iyaaki, habibaty. Do whatever helps you, my girl. Copy it, record it, make a skit out of it, LOL. I hope there is something in it that will help you.

    Subhaan Allah, it is like being in prison not being able to express oneself without reproach. However, what it really speaks volumes about is the one who cannot cope with hearing it. I take constructive criticism in exactly that way, constructively. It makes me look at my thoughts and actions from a different perspective and gives me something to focus on improving. It's all good... and, al hamdul'Illah, humbling.

    Ameen to your dua'; I greatly appreciate it!

  15. Salam alaikum,

    as usual, beautifully written..

  16. assalamu alaikum sister,
    what do you mean by, 'hold on to your hijab'?
    well, I take my english lesson also from you.

  17. Wa alaykum as salaam wa Rahmat Allah Youshaka

    Please forgive me, I use these expressions without thinking of my dear readers for whom English is not their first language. There is an expression, "Hold your horses" which means wait a minute, calm down, and have some patience. I put my own twist on it and said, "Hold on to your Hijab" to mean the same thing.

    Please always ask if you don't understand something well; I'm happy to give English lessons ;D

  18. Subhan'Allah, you can't believe how many times this has helped me AND people around me this week who came for advice. I simply told them what you said. Elhamdulilah.Lol If you want an advertiser for your blog I'd be ideal.
    Barak allah Feeki.
    Umm Raya.:D

  19. If you have been wondering whose been reading your entire blog, I have a revelation here for u: It's ME! Masha Allah so very inspiring...

  20. Umm Raya, wa feeki Barak Allah!

    I guess I should call you my Personal Publicist, LOL, mashaa'Allah. I'm blessed that you and others are benefiting in some way from this blog.

    Never forget, it's nothing to do with me. Every good thing I write is from Allah, subhaana wa taala, and it's only the bad and the mistakes that come from me. Al hamdul'Illahi Rabb il al Ameen!

  21. Alisha, my sweetie!

    My entire blog? Mashaa'Allah, you must have taken quite a bit of time to read all this! Inshaa'Allah, you're not suffering from eye-strain, LOL!

    Barak Allahu feeki my dear sister; it is an honor to have you visit me in cyberspace!

  22. Assalamu Aleykum dear sister,

    I really know what you're talking about!Pressure is just too much sometimes, and instead of bursting it out on people or doing stupid stuff which would lead you far from ALLAH SWT, we should always ask HIM for help,as HE knows best what we are goign through, and HE's the one who can really help.
    May ALLAH SWT make you go through any test with patience and taqwah.Ameen.