Sunday, August 28, 2016


Bismillah wa assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

As parents, spouses,  friends, managers, and employees we often find ourselves trying to micromanage situations. We see a potential opportunity or problem and try to set up a whole scenario or sequence of events to make it work or avoid it. We see weaknesses and try to troubleshoot and scaffold until they are overcome, or at least not causing serious harm. We try to establish road blocks to disobedience to Allah and open pathways to all that is halal and tayyibaat.

But, although this is simply tying our camel , like Yusuf (alayhi salaam's) father in Surah Yusuf, there is a basic truth in his words that sums it up.

Ayah 67. And he said: "O my sons! Do not enter by one gate, but enter by different gates, and I cannot avail you against Allah at all. Verily! The decision rests only with Allah. In him, I put my trust and let all those that trust, put their trust in Him."

 We cannot micromanage Allah's Qadr. When all our efforts are turned upside down, we need to stop trying to do what, in reality, is out of our ability and control, and leave it to Allah with complete calm and trust. He is perfect, we are not. His Plan is infallible, whereas He shows us that clearly our's are not. He knows each of His creation, the path they will travel, and their ultimate end.

We cannot micromanage aqeedah,  emaan, taqwa, or tawwakal. We cannot micromanage a mind or a heart. How many have persisted on major sins before coming to obedience? How many have wallowed in kufr before coming to correct aqeedah? If a person is destined to obedience we cannot ruin that and if a person is destined to disobedience, we cannot save them.

So we do what we can to enjoin the good and forbid the wrong, but when Allah steers a situation away from our righteous goals, trust in it. He is the only One Who really micromanages anything; we need to know that and trust in His perfection.

Subhaanak Allahummah wa bihamdik, laa ilaaha ilaa ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

The Muslim Man - The Conflict Within

Bismillah wassalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

It appears to me that Muslim men, perhaps more so those who reverted and had relationships before Islam, have a conflict. They want the piety and beauty of an Islamic wife and family, but the base desires of sexual freedom and a woman like those on the street still exist. After all, the biggest jihad is against our nafs.

They want sexual excitement and spontaneity which dies a slow death with having a family. Pregnancy,babies, children,  etc. make acting on impulse and dressing to tempt and invite virtually impossible. Men have to repress their desires, do without. I'm not talking about actual intercourse, as a wife can be willing every day maashaa Allah, but the whole atmosphere and freedom of interaction is what they don't have. They may wish for the days before children came along, or yearn for the day when the children are all grown, to regain that free and impetuous sexuality.

A busy wife is a blessing, and a turn off. She doesn't have time for doting on her husband; other people and things take priority. So, while a man may understand and appreciate her ability to run the house, raise the children, and do all the extra she does, he is not getting what he wants/needs to feel satisfied. These are the biggest factors I see and have understood from my husband - polygany analyst and survivor - over the years, maashaa Allah.

Men have different tolerance levels and will handle the situation in a different way.  Most think they are too much man for one woman and seek other outlets. Problem is, for those who don't actually try polygany, they don't see the reality of it. Unless they take a childless woman who won't have any or a woman whose children are all grown, they will have the same exact situation with number two or three or four, as with number one as soon as they fall pregnant. They also don't have the chance to compare the women to see and appreciate those things in number one that subsequent wives lack.

Depending on how the man deals with his repressed feelings, he could be irritable, distant, withdrawn, or immerse himself in other activities - halaal or haraam. He will struggle with himself about his repressed feelings and will not want to admit that changes in his behavior are due to them...or justify his behavior due to them.

My husband, upon reading this, agreed that I have just about summed it up alhamdulillah! 

Monday, March 28, 2016

Don't forget that all-important word!

Bismillah wa assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

For perhaps twenty-eight years or more, I've been asking Allah to admit me to His Jennah. However, quite early on I realised that I didn't just want to get there, I wanted to meet Him with no account. So for perhaps twenty years or more, I've asked Him for DIRECT ENTRY into His Jennah. Don't forget to add that all-important word, DIRECT,   when you ask Him too!

Subhaanak Allahummah wabihamdik laa ilaaha ila ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016


Bismillahi wa assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

I had a truly gushing moment yesterday while finishing lunch with my daughters. They really do have to put up with all sorts of emotional outbursts from me, LOL, maashaa Allah.

I said,  "For anyone just looking at me or considering what I've done in my life, they would not imagine me being of the muqarraboon - those forerunners closest to Allah.  I consider my shortcomings, failings, and sins and find myself in a miserable state in front of Allah. After all, I am just a regular person, not a prophet or scholar or prominent caller to Islam.

But my all encompassing and desperate desire to be of the muqarraboon makes me persevere with 'ibaadah, istighfar, and acknowledging every pain and difficulty as a much deserved and light recompense for my sins.  I charge on, sometimes plod on, but I refuse to despair of Allah's mercy and give up hope that He will put me with the muqarraboon. Having certainty of Allah's perfect qualities motivates me to persevere.

So I say to you all, don't EVER give up on your righteous goals. Our most forgiving, gentle,  merciful, and generous Creator sees everything and can do anything.

Subhaanak Allahumma la ilaaha ila ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.

Friday, September 18, 2015

This moment – right NOW!

Bismillah wa assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

There are no coincidences. Everything in life is precisely and perfectly orchestrated by our Creator, Allah subhaana wa ta'ala. I was given a book many years ago entitled, “Divine Will and Predestination in light of the Qur'an and Sunnah'” by 'Umar, which I have been re-reading this past few days. An extremely beneficial book, I intend to make it part of our Islamic studies curriculum this year inshaa Allah. There is a very important hadith quoted therein, that we need to open our eyes and minds to.
In Saheeh Al-Bukhari it is narrated from Abu Haazim from Sahl ibn Sa'd that during one of the military campaigns of the Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) there was a man who was excelling in fighting. The Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) looked at him and said,” Whoever wants to see a man from among the people of Hell, let him look at that man.” 
One of the people followed him, and at that point he was one of the fiercest fighters against the mushrikeen (polytheists), until he was wounded. Then he hastened his own death by driving his sword into his chest until the point emerged between his shoulders. The man (who had seen this) rushed back to the Messenger (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) and said, “I bear witness that you are the Messenger of Allah!” He said, “What happened?” He said, “You said to so and so, 'Whosoever wants to se a man from among the people of Hell, let them look at this man,' He was one of the greatest among us at fighting in defense of the Muslims, but I knew that he would not die like that. When he was wounded, he hastened his own death and killed himself.” At this, the Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said: 
“A slave may do the deeds of the people of Hell, but he is one of the people of Paradise, or he may do the deeds of the people of Paradise, but he is one of the people of Hell. But it is the final deed that counts.”

Upon reflection, what is the most important thing we can learn from this? That regardless of what we have done in the past, whether it be years or seconds ago, what we have to put all our energy into is what we are doing right now.

Consider the crane accident at Masjid Al Haraam in Makkah; what a powerful reminder that Allah can take our worldly lives at any time, in any place, in any way He decrees. So with every action, every reaction, every decision about how to use our time, money, energy, skills, talents, and emotions remember that it may be the last thing we do. STOP and think that it IS the last thing we will do. How do we want to end? As a summation to our life, do we want to die while losing our temper shouting or screaming, doing, watching, or listening to something haraam, backbiting, being selfish and stingy, with severed ties of kinship or brotherhood/sisterhood, being lazy or skipping a prayer, or choosing our desires over Allah?

There is no point planning to do better later, tomorrow, or next time because Allah doesn't promise us that there will be a later, tomorrow, or next time. We don't know which act will be our last. So be aware, conscious, that it is all about NOW, this moment, and making the best decision to please Allah at each and every stage of our day so that we can end as the people of paradise. 

May Allah unite us all upon the ultimate success of His Pleasure – ameen.

Subhaanak Allahumma wa bihamdik laa ilaaha ilaa ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015


Bismillah wa assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. These days are special, these first ten days of Dhul Hijjah, maashaa Allah. These days hold amazing opportunities for rewards in all that we do. Allah's Generosity is overwhelming!

Many of us fast, do extra ibaadah, give sadaqah, try harder...but there is something else we can do that's free but gives huge and valuable rewards to others. We can make use of our gifts.

Drink a cup of the special tea your friend gifted you with each day after iftar or for suhoor. Read your du'a and adhkaar from the books gifted to you, or say the authentic ones taught you in a class or by a loved one. Wear the socks and gloves gifted to you, use the pen, carry the bag, blow your nose on the hankie.

Use your gifts with the clear intention of rewarding the givers for their generosity. Make du'a for the gift givers and ask Allah to bless them with more. If you cannot make use of some gifts, ask Allah to reward the giver as if you used it every day.

Give bigger gifts back to the givers, by using their gifts. "Is there any reward for good except good?" (Ar-Rahmaan) It's a win-win situation!