Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
In a world without the Islamic viewpoint, a marriage that doesn't have love or trust between the spouses is on the road to discord, misery, and divorce. Why? Because love and trust are considered the foundations of the union. They must love each other deeply and manifest that love in their words and actions. They must be loyal to each other, faithful and honest. So, what happens when these things are missing? There is no foundation and the whole thing crumbles.
In a marriage based on Islam, one can find themselves disillusioned with their partner, unable to trust them, even mentally and emotionally abused by them, which kills whatever love and trust they had. So how can they stay in the marriage, and why? Because from an Islamic viewpoint, marriage is a means to an end. It is half of your deen. We are not told that marriage is a love story or a test of trust between the spouses as such. We are, however, told that the marriage must have love and trust.
The mistake we make is thinking that the love and trust have to be for our spouse. No. The love and trust must be for Allah, subhaanahu wa ta'ala! When you love and trust in Allah, you know what He decreed for you is best. You know that if you do what He commands you to do, you will succeed. You know that in fulfilling others' rights, in meeting your Allah-given responsibilities, in living your Islam and doing all you can from what Allah, azza wa jal, is pleased with and loves, you are on His Siraat al Mustaqeem. When you focus on all that, you will find that you can more easily avoid sins because you are working towards your goal, not sabotaging it.
I don't often quote any songs, but I often think of the words, "Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh no, not I! I will survive! Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive..." As long as I know how to love Allah! People may think they can hurt or break you, but when you're living for the love and trust of Allah, they are insignificant. You destroy their power to hurt you and you hold the power bi idhn Illah ta'ala.
It's all about perspective. It's all about that ultimate goal and remaining strong, firm, and determined on your path with that singular and clear goal in sight.
Subhaanaka Allahumma wa bihamdika laa ilaaha il ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk
Another bullseye. I pondered long on this post and found myself agreeing with every word. Then I stopped short: But with such an arrangement, can one find the comfort/tranquility marriage is meant to bring to us? Can there be "mercy between them?" After a bit more pondering, I concluded that, yes, even without trust, even if the love has long since been extinguished, comfort and mercy can continue.
ReplyDeleteI think of my own paternal grandparents who actively disliked each other. Yet each assiduously fulfilled their duty toward the other. Certainly trust was absent, as each took secret steps to ensure that if the other went off the rails they'd have solo resources.
But still. In deed, there was mercy, if not in spirit or heart or even tongue. And both of them found comfort in that arrangement, even as they lived their largely separate lives.
Thank you as always for your insight, dear, dear sister. May Allah reward you for helping me and I'm sure many others to reflect. May he grant you comfort and tranquility from many sources and fill your heart with contentment.