Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Are you a doormat?

BismIllah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

It is very common in the Western world to hear women complain that they are treated like doormats by their husbands and families. This attitude has also been adopted by some Muslims, especially women with large families and husbands who are busy working and do not help around the house. They raise the children, prepare the meals, keep the house, and welcome their husband home with service and a smile. So, how can you feel good in a relationship where you are an 'open all hours' one-stop shop?

Remember that it is shaytaan telling you that you're a doormat, used and abused. Allah tells you that you are the "home," the essential foundation for the future of our Ummah, in a place of honor and great importance. shaytaan tells us that we are like 24 hour maids for working hard to please our families. However, Allah tells you that you are an obedient, faithful servant who is fulfilling her duty to Him by serving her family. shaytaan  whispers in our ears that we are taken for granted, unappreciated. Allah tells us that every sincere effort to make and preserve the home and family is part of worship.    

Allah tells us that for every minute we strive to please Him through our appointed duties to please and support our husbands, raise our children upon the Qur'an and Sunnah, and perform our own Islamic responsibilities, we are in a state of ibadah. So tell me, which one do you want to listen to, the rejected outcast or your Creator?


  1. Assalamaualaikum Dearest Mai,

    I used to feel that way before. There was this women who came to Rasulullah about jihad for women. Why can't they fight like the man? Rasulullah said, when you prepare food, prepare his (husbands) needs to go to war, you are also going to war with him, you get the same reward. proud to be Muslims.

  2. Wa alaykum as salaam wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh my dear Black Jubah.

    Subhaan Allah, I had planned to include the hadith you mentioned, but then decided I'd delayed long enough and just put the post out. Yes, mashaa'Allah, we are truly blessed.

  3. it's no coincidence the reward for being a housewife is the same as for jihad, insha Allah!

  4. Salam alayki siters, I hear what you are saying and all us mothers know the blessings we can gain from being at home doing all the demands a home requires. But I am going to real and say at times I feel under valued cooking and cleaning all the time and no matter how much I hear thank you from my loved one's i feel my day is full of tedious and unstimulated chores!
    I have not read the above before about the preparing of food for the hub's who go to war, where is that recorded as I would love to read more to the like inshaALLAH. I wouldn't swop being a housewife to working outside my home for anything but I can't help to feel like the glorified slave of my house, not the respected muslimah mommy and wife at times. Our actions are with Allah I constantly remind myself and that it is He who knows the full value of our actions be they house chores or our ibaadat. That is what comforts me.
    Al hamdulillah alaa kulli haal.
    Peace to you all.

  5. Wa alayki as salaam wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuhd Sanaa

    Asma (radi Allahu anha) reported that she approached the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) on behalf of women and mentioned that men excelled women due to their participation in Friday and congregational prayers, visiting the sick, attending funeral prayers, performing the Hajj and Umra, and due to their participation in Jihad. The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) replied: "Go and inform the women that their beautification for their husbands, discharging their rights, seeking their pleasure and obeying them is equal in reward (to the above mentioned acts) of men." [Kanz-ul-Amaal]

    From Ibn Abbas:

    A woman went to the prophet and said: “ Almighty one, I have come as a messenger on behalf of many women to ask about jihad: jihad is an obligation for all men, if they successfully come home they will obtain merit and if they die they will live for ever in God’s in good fortune. But, for us women we only stay in our houses and look after our husbands. How can we too obtain this merit?
    The Prophet answered: “convey to all of the women that you know that to obey and fulfill your husbands needs receives the same amount of merit and is also considered jihad.” (Al-Tabarani).

    Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) gave us some more guidelines regarding behaviour that is worthy of merit for wives. He said that the best woman is the one that pleases her husband: When he looks at her, she pleases him; when he commands her, she obeys him; when he absents himself (goes away on a journey, etc.) she protects his wealth and his honour. [Baihaqi]

    The very meaning of jihad is to strive in the cause of Allah, to struggle...and as you so right state, we do struggle. We struggle to keep the right mind-set just as much as we struggle to keep on doing the housework and taking care of the family. Knowing that our actions are all recorded with Allah is exactly what SHOULD comfort us.

    Barak Allahu feeki sister.

  6. Salam Alaikum!

    I just wanted to say, ELHAMDULILAH I LOVE BEING A MUSLIM WOMEN AND WIFE AND MOTHER!. MY circumstances are far from easy but the most important thing is not whether people value my role and my efforts but whether Allah swt does. And truly knowing that that is all that matters will liberate you.It is western ideologies that encourage selfishness and individualistic desires that will convince you other wise. Thank you Mai for the reminder!

    Elhamdulilah to be MUSLIM!!!

  7. assalaamu alaikum dear sister

    I recently discovered your blog, Allaahumma bariek fiek, may Allaah bless you, and i love it mashAllaah.

    I am also a wife and stepmother. I dont have children of my own. I would like to ask you something in private, but i dont know where i can do that. Is it possible to send you an email?

    assalamu alaikum

    Your sis in Islam

    1. Wa alaykum as salaam wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

      You can contact me at We feeki barak Allah ukhti.

  8. assalaamu alaikum dear sis

    Jazaakillaah. I have sent you an email insha'Allah.

    wa salaamu alaikum