Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Quieter and Quieter

BismIllah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.
Subhaan Allah...this post is to mark progress in my development and give many of you hope. I am, by nature, a communicator and a sincere, caring advisor. In other words, I usually have something to say about other people's ideas, situations, and plans when they are presented to me. However, it hasn't always elicited a positive reaction, especially when I was not in agreement or felt strongly about it from an Islamic perspective.


For most of my life, I have suppressed negative feelings until they had built up so much that my whole demeanor changed. I could not go about my daily life without the negative feelings dominating my thoughts, attitude, and reactions. Most usually, I would end up blurting out my "issues" in a way that was neither well-planned or well-presented.

Well, that has changed all thanks and praise be to Allah, subhaana wa taala. These past few months, whenever I have negative feelings, I literally bite my tongue (gently...no self-abuse syndrome, LOL). My husband and I cannot help but laugh when I do it, mashaa'Allah. I purposely press my lips together. When specifically asked to speak, I really take my time and strive to relay basic facts or events from my own perspective, and/or objectively, rather than comment on others.

Then I read this:

It is reported that the wife of Imam Sa'id B. Al-Musayyib - Allah have mercy on him - said:

We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] "May Allah keep you right!", "May Allah keep you well!"

From the Manners of a Wife with her Husband

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.
After the death of his wife Umm Sâlih, Imâm Ahmad – Allâh have mercy on them, used to praise her. He once said:
In the thirty years she was with me, we never had a single word of disagreement.
Al-Khatîb Al-Baghdâdî, Târîkh Baghdâd 16:626.
It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.


Abu Nua'ym, Hilyatu al-Awliya 5:198

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.

After the death of his wife, Umm Salih, Imam Ahmad - Allah have mercy on them - used to praise her. He once said:

In the thirty years she was with me, we never had a single word of disagreement.

Al-Khatib Al-Baghdadi, Tarikh Baghdad 6:626

Increasingly I avoid saying, "I told you so," or mention that I had advised against something that ended up going wrong. I don't even speak out about the things I disagree with anymore. I stay quiet and then I say, "May Allah keep you well! May Allah keep you right!" My husband and I literally laugh out loud, mashaa'Allah.

Now you all may be wondering what the result of all this has been so far. Those things I have managed to hold my tongue about, which were communicated to Allah for help and resolution, are coming to light, being examined, and being resolved, mashaa'Allah. I didn't speak about them, except to the One ("You alone I turn to and You alone I ask for help" - Surah al Fatiha, ayah 4).

Some things take time, but when you see Allah take over your affairs and rectify them without you speaking a single word about them to others, it is a great incentive to get quieter and quieter.

From the Manners of a Wife with her Husband

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.

From the Manners of a Wife with her Husband

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.

If silence is golden, then dua' must be platinum...
because it gets you through all those times you are silent.

9 comments:

  1. SubhanAllah we recite that ayat ""You alone I turn to and You alone I ask for help" in our prayers every single day, more than 5 times a day yet most of us don't even implement it in our lives.

    Jazakillahu khayran for the reminder.
    May Allah (swt) help us all, ameen.

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  2. This is something that I need to work on. I tend voice my opinion loudly..lool My husband will never "take the bait" when it comes to my rants. He will simply respond with "Inshallah" or "You know I love you" By doing this he makes me feel bad and I have to rethink my way of speaking. :)

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  3. lovely post sister. i have been waiting for your new post for quite sometime. your post is beneficial, mashaallah.

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  4. Assalamu alaikum sister. I am glad you are doing well. I actually was getting worried about you. Your posts seemed so melancholy before. May Allah make us die in a state of full prayer, fasting, obeying our husbands, chaste and enter Jannah any door we want, ameen.

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  5. Assalamu alaikum sister, Thoughtful entry. I am trying to get in touch with your husband with regards to Hafiz schools in / near Madinah for my 2 sons, 15 and 13. I am from Malaysia. My email: azamkb@gmail.com. Appreciate your help.

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  6. Baraka Allahu feeki Ukhty.

    UmmAbdulKarim

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  7. Wa alaykunnasalaamu wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh to you all, my dear sisters.

    I think that how we communicate is something many of us struggle with. Sometimes, just having something to say or do, whether we are really thinking/feeling it, can be the thing that saves us from a blooper.

    Yes, Em Hamzah, I'm okay al hamdul'Illah. I didn't know I was sounding melancholy, LOL! Anyway, I've been going through a testing time with school, parenting, and yet another miscarriage - number 12. It's a cycle that is so persistent and consistent that I have serious concerns that the ayn is upon me. Needless to say, I've been very tired physically and mentally..and so I have a load of draft posts that haven't been developed. I have a 5 week break now, so inshaa'Allah we will all benefit from that ;D. Ameen, thumma ameen to your dua'.

    Umm AbdulKarim, my twin...wa feeki Allahumma Baarik. I'm looking out for you!

    azamkb@gmail.com - please contact us regarding the tahfidh schools at madinahnaseeha@gmail.com

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  8. As Salamualaikum Mai!!

    I Pray that you and your family are wonderful! This post was awesome, I come read it any time I feel like going on a ranting rampage LOL Mashaallah :).

    I will be making du'a for you, If the ayn is on you (Allah forbid! ameeen) I will be praying to Allah that it is removed! May Allah heal you and aid you through your difficulties!(ameen) I think you need a much needed break... some tea, good eats and a quiet place!

    I Love you for the Sake of Allah!!
    -Faith

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  9. Wa alaykum as salaam wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh Faith!

    Subhaan Allah, where have you been? I tried to visit your blog and it was not open to me anymore :(

    Yes, mashaa'Allah, the family and I are all well. Jazaaki Allahu khayr for such beautiful dua'. I appreciate them. Yes, you are right I really did need a break...I have one week left before we return to school and I'm hoping to make the most of it, bi ithn Illah.

    Please, let me know how you are doing and what's going on with you. Much love fee sabeel l'Illah!

    ReplyDelete

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