Quieter and Quieter

BismIllah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.

Subhaan Allah...this post is to mark progress in my development and give many of you hope. I am, by nature, a communicator and a sincere, caring advisor. In other words, I usually have something to say about other people's ideas, situations, and plans when they are presented to me. However, it hasn't always elicited a positive reaction, especially when I was not in agreement or felt strongly about it from an Islamic perspective.


For most of my life, I have suppressed negative feelings until they had built up so much that my whole demeanor changed. I could not go about my daily life without the negative feelings dominating my thoughts, attitude, and reactions. Most usually, I would end up blurting out my "issues" in a way that was neither well-planned or well-presented.

Well, that has changed all thanks and praise be to Allah, subhaana wa taala. These past few months, whenever I have negative feelings, I literally bite my tongue (gently...no self-abuse syndrome, LOL). My husband and I cannot help but laugh when I do it, mashaa'Allah. I purposely press my lips together. When specifically asked to speak, I really take my time and strive to relay basic facts or events from my own perspective, and/or objectively, rather than comment on others.

Then I read this:

It is reported that the wife of Imam Sa'id B. Al-Musayyib - Allah have mercy on him - said:

We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] "May Allah keep you right!", "May Allah keep you well!"

From the Manners of a Wife with her Husband

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.
After the death of his wife Umm Sâlih, Imâm Ahmad – Allâh have mercy on them, used to praise her. He once said:
In the thirty years she was with me, we never had a single word of disagreement.
Al-Khatîb Al-Baghdâdî, Târîkh Baghdâd 16:626.

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.

Abu Nua'ym, Hilyatu al-Awliya 5:198

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.

After the death of his wife, Umm Salih, Imam Ahmad - Allah have mercy on them - used to praise her. He once said:

In the thirty years she was with me, we never had a single word of disagreement.

Al-Khatib Al-Baghdadi, Tarikh Baghdad 6:626

Increasingly I avoid saying, "I told you so," or mention that I had advised against something that ended up going wrong. I don't even speak out about the things I disagree with anymore. I stay quiet and then I say, "May Allah keep you well! May Allah keep you right!" My husband and I literally laugh out loud, mashaa'Allah.

Now you all may be wondering what the result of all this has been so far. Those things I have managed to hold my tongue about, which were communicated to Allah for help and resolution, are coming to light, being examined, and being resolved, mashaa'Allah. I didn't speak about them, except to the One ("You alone I turn to and You alone I ask for help" - Surah al Fatiha, ayah 4).

Some things take time, but when you see Allah take over your affairs and rectify them without you speaking a single word about them to others, it is a great incentive to get quieter and quieter.

From the Manners of a Wife with her Husband

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.

From the Manners of a Wife with her Husband

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.

If silence is golden, then dua' must be platinum...

because it gets you through all those times you are silent.