Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
I have been thinking about marriage, relationships in general, and all the difficulties they can entail. Some people are in such destructive relationships that they are forced to leave in the end. They can no longer take it, some final straw has been broken, or they are abused (emotionally, mentally, physically - take your pick) and it has become intolerable. The situation has controlled the outcome and they had to leave; it wasn't their decision. They leave weak and broken, like the knocked-out boxer being dragged out of the ring. They are drained, spent and have to rebuild themselves. Qadr Allahu wa maa shaa fa'al!
So what happens when Allah gives you strength, through His blessings of emaan and tawakkal? This strength is power. It enables you to look at the situation, assess it, and decide whether you will stay or go. It gives you the ability to make Allah's pleasure your goal, rise above many situations of the dunya, and see, find, or make the good in your situation. It takes strength to walk away from a situation, but it also takes strength to stay in it. There are people in difficult relationships that have the ability to stay or go. They can look at the pros and cons, keep their eye on the goal, and decide if they want to remain or leave because they have the fortitude to do both.
I have come to view that strength as a very difficult and dangerous thing. It can hold someone in a relationship that isn't beneficial. It can lead to enabling the other person in the relationship because their strength allows them to tolerate things that otherwise would not be acceptable. And yet, it can be the most amazing example of sabr - patient perseverance - and may hold the best rewards.
If you are blessed with that strength, don't take it for granted and think yourself sufficient to handle whatever comes your way. Remember that your strength lies with Allah, and Allah must always be turned to for continued guidance and clarity that what you are doing is right and best. The power and strength that Allah blessed you with only remains a blessing when you give Him full credit for it. Know that you can become helpless and weak if you don't turn to the One Who gave you that strength and seek His help and guidance in all your affairs.
Subhaanak, Allahumma wa bihamdik, laa illaaha illa Allah, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.
Assalamu alaikum sister, I recently discovered your blogs and I am just loving them. I am going through depression but Alhamdulillah I feel so relieved after reading your blogs BarakAllahu feek. I wish to meet you in Jannah In Shaa Allah. Allah give you the best in Dunya And akhirah.
ReplyDeleteWa alaykum ussalaam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh yaa Binte Ibrahim. Ahlan wa sahlsn - welcome! You have made my day, hearing that you are finding benefit and relief in reading my blog. I pray that Allah continues to send you relief, lift the depression from you, and fill you the light of emaan and happiness!
DeleteIndeed I look forward to sitting on those elevated thrones with you, Allah well pleased with us both - Ameen!
Subhanallah. So many times lately I've been turning this or that over in my mind, only to check in here and find you've written something that relates and clarifies. No coincidences.
ReplyDeleteI've concluded that sometimes it's a gift when the decision is essentially made for us, however difficult or painful the necessary action might be.
For me, I thought at first that the tests and lessons were the ones that are to be expected in such situations. With time and prayer and reflection, I've come to think that perhaps the real test lies elsewhere.
By the mercy of Allah, I have, practically speaking, several options; circumstances need not dictate my actions. Some of these were always available, other doors have only recently been flung open. At first I thought it was simply another test, to stay and bear patience, to practice forgiveness even as other, easier paths were available. Now, though, as I find myself becoming suspicious, more frequently entertaining uncharitable thoughts, I'm less certain. It's easy enough to say it's simply something to be overcome; a bruised ego, feeling insecure because someone half my age is in the picture, or lingering resentment over the initial deception, but I fear falling into sin, becoming a bitter, suspicious person, may Allah protect us all from this.
I begin to think I'm being tested through my excessive love of order and clarity, that the essential lesson is that disorder and confusion must sometimes be tolerated while we pray for and WAIT FOR the gift of discernment in the midst of chaos.
Beloved sister, I thank you as always for your insight and I pray for discernment, firm guidance to right action, and contentment with those actions for you and for me and for all those tested with strength and opportunities.
I'm starting to wonder if Allah is guiding me to write all this just for you! Ameen, thumma Ameen!
DeleteWhile your posts are absolutely a benefit to me, practically custom designed I should say, I feel and can see from the other comments that they benefit others as well. I pray that the writing of them also benefits *you* in practical ways in addition to the reward you're surely building for the hereafter through your efforts here.
ReplyDeleteTruly benefits me, alhamdulillah, in retrospect and real time. Some of these subjects are years and years old, only now ready to surface. Some just within the past couple of years or more recent, but I write when I'm ready and it's clear to me maashaa Allah. That it benefits others is just Allah's Rahman and Barakatuh wa Allahu Akbar!
DeleteAssalamu alaikum sis, was thinking of you today. I am glad to see you’re powering through the dunya, may Allah keep you strong! I definitely needed this today subhanallah. Life sometimes is tough.
ReplyDeleteWa alaykum ussalaam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh Emily. Allahumma Baarik alaykee for thinking of me and taking the time to respond. Ameen to your dua and may He, subhaanahu wa ta'ala, keep you strong and give you patience, wisdom, and ease to move through those tough times.
DeleteCan't help but smile that after all these years, we still find each other here. Alhamdulillah!