Mend your Clothing, Fix your Car...Points to reflect upon in Marriage and Polygyny

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

This thought has been so strong and predominant in my thoughts lately that I just have to write about it, if only to release it from my mind! It's just a little exercise of connecting the dots and setting priorities that might resonate with someone and bring about some beautiful benefit bi idhn Illah ta'ala.

What did the sahaabah do regarding their garments? They made dua of gratitude to Allah for clothing them, acknowledging that they had no power to do so and it was only Allah's blessing upon them. What about when their clothes were worn and had holes? They mended them. They didn't buy another one or throw it away, they fixed what they had. There is even a dua to be said upon wearing new clothes asking Allah, subhaanahu wa ta'ala to replace it when it is worn out. So it was received and worn with gratitude, used, cared for, and mended until it was worn out. Maximum benefit from the garments Allah blessed them with. 

In marriage, we are told in the Quraan that the husband and wife are garments for each other. So what would be fitting to do with the garments? First, be grateful for what you have been blessed with in your spouse. Take good care of your marriage, mend it when it has deficiencies, beautify it, and work on it to the end of your life.

Another analogy is that marriage is like a car. It is, actually, because it is quite literally a vehicle to get you to Jennah, in shaa Allah. If you are happy with the car, find it reliable and it has served you well, what happens when it needs some maintenance, maybe things need to be fixed. Do you leave it in that state and go buy another car...or do you do the maintenance, make an effort to fix it? A neglected car will eventually fall into ruin...in marriage terms, misery, separation, or divorce.

Sometimes a reason that divorce or polygyny is sought is because there are deficiencies in the existing marriage. Spouses don't communicate what they are missing, what they need or yearn for in the relationship. Before you give up and/or move on to another marriage, it is important to examine what you have. Allah says in Surah Ibrahim, ayah 7. 

وَإِذْ تَأَذَّنَ رَبُّكُمْ لَئِن شَكَرْتُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ ۖ وَلَئِن كَفَرْتُمْ إِنَّ عَذَابِى لَشَدِيدٌۭ ٧

And ˹remember˺ when your Lord proclaimed, ‘If you are grateful, I will certainly give you more. But if you are ungrateful, surely My punishment is severe.’”

So be grateful for the family you have, work on the deficiencies, fix your vehicle - or at least try to - before looking for another. 

Moving on to another marriage (polygyny) when the existing one has problems is often the cause of resentment and heartbreak because instead of fixing what you have, you focus on investing in someone else...an unknown entity. Do your part and Allah promises to give you more. 

Subhaanak Allahumma laa ilaaha illa Ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.