My Quran and shaytaan = test anxiety

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

For almost a year now, I have been taking Quran classes twice a week alhamdulillah! I regained my hifdh of around 3.5 ajzaa and am memorizing more, working on my tajweed and ridding myself of all the bad habits I've acquired over the 12 years since I was attending in-person classes while living in Madinah.

So, imagine my feeling when I have Quran tests and shaytaan works every angle to sabotage me. I have test anxiety; I cannot stop my nerves from wreaking havoc with my mind. I do everything I can think of, from isti'aadhah to istighfar to du'a to using a siwak, to reciting over and over again. Subhaan Allah, I come to the test knowing all my suwar and yet, even when I close my eyes and visualize the page of the mushaf in front of me, my mouth says something else. 

Subhaan Allah! shaytaan wants me to feel inadequate. shaytaan wants me to feel upset, defeated, like giving up. shaytaan wants me to admit he has power over me. So, what do I do? 

I have sabr. I persevere. I intensify my studies and do even more! Every time he pushes me to mess up a test, I am driven to spend even more time with the Quran, even more time reciting and reading. In this way, it contradicts his plan. Eventually, he will leave me alone in this and move on to some other plots. Perseverance in the path of Allah never fails. 

May Allah make us all successful and ever increase our love, connection, knowledge, memorization, reading, recitation, and implementation of His miraculous book - ameen!

What is Enough?

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

Subhaan Allah, the subject of what is enough has been recurring for me for years - from not shooting for the moon when all you need is reachable in a low tree branch, to considering what is beneficial and what is just superfluous. I have many thoughts on this subject and there are so many nooks and crannies to delve into! 

Before I start on the concept of enough, I will set the bar by stating that whatever we have at any given time is perfectly enough as that is what Allah has decreed for us. Our glass is always full of exactly what we should have, and each of us has a customized full glass. So, when we strive for better, we need to consider what kind of "better" we are striving for and if that "better" is for our aakhirah or our dunya. We need to consider what we are chasing, what our goals are, and if our striving and priorities align with those goals.

So, in terms of money, how much is enough? This will vary widely from person to person, but things to consider are how much are bills, how much is needed for shelter, transportation, food, education, and whatever else secures a stable life with the ability to worship Allah freely. For some, this is a mountain to climb to achieve, for others they reached the goal of enough and surpassed it in spades. 

If you have enough to live comfortably, what is the benefit of taking more time to dedicate to earning more? What benefit is there? Does pursuing more money-making projects or other projects that you would like to do outweigh taking more time for Allah, learning Arabic, memorizing and implementing the Quraan, slowing down and living more in tune with nature. What is your goal? Dunya or aakhirah? If you are driven by the desire to do many different projects, businesses, or hobbies, what are they for? Money? Self-satisfaction and pleasure? A social service? Do they serve your dunya or aakhirah.  If both, what benefits both and what distracts? These are not simple questions because they require a deep honesty and clarity of focus. 

If we want to truly aim for our aakhirah, leave behind the extravagance of excess and know what is enough, then it is time to make salaat ul istikhaara a regular part of our day, every single day. It's time to follow the guidance of Allah instead of our nafs and shaytaan and accept fully when Allah shows us where our priorities should lie and what is enough. 

Subhaanaka Allahumma wa bihamdika, laa Illaaha illa Anta, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.

Your first response changes your whole life!

 Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

Subhaan Allah wa alhamdulillah wa laa illaaha ila Allah wa Allahu Akbar!

There is not a single thing that Allah sends that isn't a blessing, whether clear or disguised. Not a single thing!

Before I go any further, let's just think of the story of Musa and Khidr in Surat ul Kahf. Musa assumed the worst of Khidr's actions, told him off, until Khidr said okay, that's it...and before parting with Musa explained the reality of his actions. Those actions were done for the sake of Allah! They were done at Allah's command! They were done in obedience to Allah! They were done for the best of reasons, which were not obvious to the onlooker, unless...

and here's where we come to the big reveal. If Musa had said one phrase upon seeing Khidr make a hole in the boat, kill the boy, and rebuild the wall it would have changed his whole mindset. What is that phrase? 

Alhamdulillah!

All thanks and praise are for Allah!

So the lesson we learn from that story is that qadr Allahu wa maa shaa fa'al - Allah decreed it and He does what He Wills and that Allah's Plan is the only Perfect Plan. 

Certainly, we must know Allah - His Names and Attributes - to understand that everything He sends is for our good, therefore there is good in everything He sends, hence we say first and foremost: alhamdulillah. 

How does this help us? Because sabr - patience - is at the first strike. Saying alhamdulillah reminds us first that we need to thank Allah for whatever He sends to us and praise Him for it. It changes your mindset immediately to see, or at least seek, the blessing in what He (azza wa jal) sent.

Here is a real-life example.

Someone sends you a message and shaytaan shouts in your ear, "Hey, that's really mean and spiteful!" You listen to that rotten devil and respond, "Let's fear Allah," or "Allah is just," implying that the person doesn't fear Allah or isn't just. However, if you immediately said alhamdulillah, it would send shaytaan running. Your response would reassure you that there is good in this message, and you focus on the good instead of assuming fault with the person who sent the message. That simple phrase stopped you from bad suspicions or assumptions about another Muslim, from insulting another Muslim, and reinforced what is fard (obligatory) upon us, which is husnu-thann - having the best suspicions of others and of Allah, subhaanahu wa ta'ala. Instead of having a negative response, we set ourselves up for success and, subhaan Allah, how quickly and easily we see the wisdom and benefit in what was sent to us when we trust Allah's perfect plan. 

Subhaanak Allahumma wa bihamdik laa ilaaha illa Allah, astaghfirullah wa atoobu ilayk