My Quran and shaytaan = test anxiety

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

For almost a year now, I have been taking Quran classes twice a week alhamdulillah! I regained my hifdh of around 3.5 ajzaa and am memorizing more, working on my tajweed and ridding myself of all the bad habits I've acquired over the 12 years since I was attending in-person classes while living in Madinah.

So, imagine my feeling when I have Quran tests and shaytaan works every angle to sabotage me. I have test anxiety; I cannot stop my nerves from wreaking havoc with my mind. I do everything I can think of, from isti'aadhah to istighfar to du'a to using a siwak, to reciting over and over again. Subhaan Allah, I come to the test knowing all my suwar and yet, even when I close my eyes and visualize the page of the mushaf in front of me, my mouth says something else. 

Subhaan Allah! shaytaan wants me to feel inadequate. shaytaan wants me to feel upset, defeated, like giving up. shaytaan wants me to admit he has power over me. So, what do I do? 

I have sabr. I persevere. I intensify my studies and do even more! Every time he pushes me to mess up a test, I am driven to spend even more time with the Quran, even more time reciting and reading. In this way, it contradicts his plan. Eventually, he will leave me alone in this and move on to some other plots. Perseverance in the path of Allah never fails. 

May Allah make us all successful and ever increase our love, connection, knowledge, memorization, reading, recitation, and implementation of His miraculous book - ameen!

Answering a question my daughter posed about divorce...

 After explaining the last post about whether you can succeed in a marriage without love and trust, my daughter posed a question. She asked, "So, what would you consider to be a sign that you should get a divorce?" Here's my response.

I would know I had to seek a divorce if my spouse was actively trying to sabotage my success with Allah, azza wa jal. If I was doing everything in my power to please Allah, following everything that I outlined in my last post, and yet they were proving to be my enemy, and therefore, and enemy to Islam, that would be my sign. 

The other sign would be some clear indication from Allah following a prayer of istikhara or perhaps during tahajjud, where He, subhaanahu wa ta'ala, placed a clear thought or understanding in my mind and heart that it was time to move on. 

The thing that I stressed to her, and this is the most important aspect, is that IF Allah decrees for me to be divorced and I have been a faithful servant and wife, then Allah is providing a new beginning for me with sustenance and security. I am not stepping into an abyss, I am stepping on solid ground with Allah as my Mawlaa wa alhamdullillahi Rabb il aal ameen!

Subhaanaka Allahumma wa bihamdika, laa ilaaha ila ant, astaghfirullah wa atoobu ilayk.

Can you Succeed in a Marriage without Love and Trust?

 Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In a world without the Islamic viewpoint, a marriage that doesn't have love or trust between the spouses is on the road to discord, misery, and divorce. Why? Because love and trust are considered the foundations of the union. They must love each other deeply and manifest that love in their words and actions. They must be loyal to each other, faithful and honest. So, what happens when these things are missing? There is no foundation and the whole thing crumbles.

In a marriage based on Islam, one can find themselves disillusioned with their partner, unable to trust them, even mentally and emotionally abused by them, which kills whatever love and trust they had. So how can they stay in the marriage, and why? Because from an Islamic viewpoint, marriage is a means to an end. It is half of your deen. We are not told that marriage is a love story or a test of trust between the spouses as such. We are, however, told that the marriage must have love and trust. 

The mistake we make is thinking that the love and trust have to be for our spouse.  No. The love and trust must be for Allah, subhaanahu wa ta'ala! When you love and trust in Allah, you know what He decreed for you is best. You know that if you do what He commands you to do, you will succeed. You know that in fulfilling others' rights, in meeting your Allah-given responsibilities, in living your Islam and doing all you can from what Allah, azza wa jal, is pleased with and loves, you are on His Siraat al Mustaqeem. When you focus on all that, you will find that you can more easily avoid sins because you are working towards your goal, not sabotaging it. 

I don't often quote any songs, but I often think of the words, "Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh no, not I! I will survive! Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive..."  As long as I know how to love Allah! People may think they can hurt or break you, but when you're living for the love and trust of Allah, they are insignificant. You destroy their power to hurt you and you hold the power bi idhn Illah ta'ala. 

It's all about perspective. It's all about that ultimate goal and remaining strong, firm, and determined on your path with that singular and clear goal in sight. 

Subhaanaka Allahumma wa bihamdika laa ilaaha il ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk

Messages from Hail and a Tornado

 Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

Over this summer we have had some mammoth hail storms, maashaa Allah. Twice we had baseball sized hail come thundering down, breaking windows, giving the siding on the house and our cars that dimpled golf ball effect. The second hailstorm, however, was followed by something altogether different. While we do not live in an area that is prone to any natural disasters, we had a tornado sweep through our area. This was a reminder that it doesn't matter where you live, even if it seems to be the safest, most secure place in the world, there is no way to escape Allah and what He, subhaanahu wa ta'ala, decrees for you. Two old travel trailers were completely decimated, the shipping container office was tipped over, 1650 gallon water tanks were hurled miles down the road, broken to pieces to be seen in fields and pastures afar. 

The things we lost were things that had been left to go to ruin - unfinished projects, like nearly everything on our land and in our lives. And the thing that was damaged was filled with things, purchase after purchase, stuff upon stuff. 

I thought to myself, we can amass as much as we like, shop till we drop, accumulate, plan to fix up, beautify... but it can be gone in a minute. So, think if it's really worth it. Do what matters, do what will always remain for you if nothing physical is left.

Alhamdulillahi Rabb il aal ameen for all the signs, reminders, and warnings He, in His infinite Mercy, sends us!  

Subhaaka Allahumma wa bihamdika, laa ilaaha il ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk. 

My Remedy for Stinking Thinking

 Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

I go through thoughts of not wanting to do things. I actually blow it up in my mind, making the task, action, or responsibility bad, awful even. But then, I understand that the attitude is being fueled by shaytaan. He doesn't want me to succeed. He wants to corrupt my thinking and sabotage my rewards.

So, action number one is to say the isti'aadhah (seek refuge with Allah from shaytaan, the accursed).

Action number two is to say the du'a, 

يَا حَيُّ يَا قَيُّومُ بِرَحْمَتِكَ أَسْتَغِيثُ أَصْلِحْ لِي شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ وَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ

(O Ever-Living, O Eternal One, by Your mercy I seek help; rectify all my affairs and do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for the blink of an eye).

Action number three, I ask myself this question regarding the thing I'm having negative thoughts about:

"Will I go to Jennah?"

Subhaan Allah, how that question puts everything into perspective! Subhaan Allah! 

Now, you might be thinking, how can you ask that question? You can't answer it; only Allah can. Well, here's where I explain.

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any gate she wishes.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Ibn Ḥibbān 4163

Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Arna’ut

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِذَا صَلَّتِ الْمَرْأَةُ خُمُسَهَا وَصَامَتْ شَهْرَهَا وَحَصَّنَتْ فَرْجَهَا وَأَطَاعَتْ بَعْلَهَا دَخَلَتْ مِنْ أَيِّ أَبْوَابِ الْجَنَّةِ شَاءَتْ

4163 صحيح ابن حبان

9/471 المحدث شعيب الأرناؤوط خلاصة حكم المحدث صحيح في تخريج صحيح ابن حبان

In addition, take any hadith you choose regarding fulfilling your amana (trust) with Allah, taking care of your flock, the good deed erasing the bad deed, the rewards for the good deeds, and that everything we do with sincerity and the right attitude that is pleasing to Allah is aiding our Jennah account. 

Now can you see how easy it is to ask myself that question? That simple little question puts everything back into perspective and I can see that a small, simple, perhaps even insignificant thing can move me a step closer to that ultimate goal. It even makes me assess whether the things I might miss in life and relationships are really important in the scheme of things. It opens my mind to how those things are blessings, things that I can be grateful for because they increase my tawakkal, my du'a, my love of Allah, and my turning to Him for everything.

I have even asked my husband on occasion, "Will I go to Jennah?" and he looks at me quizzically. Then I quote that hadith and say that I'm doing my faraa'id so is he pleased with me? Subhaan Allah, it is a motivation to meet and exceed! What seemed mundane and tiresome when looking through shaytaan-stained glasses becomes a bargain not to be missed! Allahu Akbar wa l'Illah il hamd! 

Subhaanaka Allahumma wa bihamdika laa ilaaha illa Ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk. 

The Product of an Incident

 Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

I get most of my inspiration for blog posts from situations that arise. Often, I jot down the ideas, concepts, or key points so I can expand on them. This is the sentence I noted down after an incident this past week. It is very comforting and calming for me.

Every time that Allah shows you the imperfections of others, 

He reminds you of the perfection of Himself. 

Inability to Communicate - I Understand

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

This post might seem a bit odd, considering all the positive stuff of late, but it's just a testimony to one of many things you may experience or feel. 

Some marriages are close, with strong and open communication. Some are not. There are marriages and relationships where even when you ask to go for a walk to talk or make time for communication, you are shut down. You are not allowed to communicate or express your feelings, ideas, or concerns. Any glimmer of a conversation that might have criticism, a dislike of something, or trying to work through a disagreement is not entertained. You may feel frustrated, resentful, isolated, sick and stressed from having no outlet for your feelings, unheard, uncared for, or dehumanized...how about ticking the box for "all of the above"? 

I want you to know that I understand. You are not alone. Although this can drive you explode and have outbursts that have negative repercussions, quickly make istighfar. Allah is Al Ghafoor, Al Afuww, Ar-Raheem!

Please remember that this is a whopping big reminder that you must take the words you say in every rakaah of every prayer seriously. "Iyyaaka na'abudu wa iyyaaka nasta'een!" (You alone we worship and You alone we turn to for help!) You can always turn to Allah, He hears everything. He knows before you open your mouth! He knows you inside out and He never shuts the door on you when you reach out. He is perfect; relationships with human beings are not. Deepen your communication with Allah and He will make a way for you. 

Subhaanaka Allahumma laa ilaaha illa Ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk. 

 

All Coming Together

 Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

We wrapped up the 8 Steps to Happiness book maashaa Allah, and everything has come together with the precise perfection only Allah can orchestrate, subhaan Allah! 

The 8 steps are in a nutshell:

1. True belief and perform good deeds

2. Occupy yourself with beneficial activity and or beneficial knowledge

3. Remembrance of Allah and Thankfulness to Allah

4. Removing what brings sadness and seeking out happiness - living in the present

5. Imagining worst situations

6. Firmness of the heart and reliance on Allah (tawakkal)

7. Repelling evil with good

8. Enjoying moments of happiness

Well, by the time I read each step, I was doing it all and - subhaan Allah - I felt all the benefit of it alhamdulillah!

Then, up popped a little webinar from Haleh Al-Banani on the 5 Pillars of Marriage. I would not normally bother to look at such things, but I took the time to listen and make notes. Here are my notes.

Marriage is much more about working towards a goal than other things. I personally can't master pillar number 2, qadr Allah, but the rest are all there. Positive stuff, maashaa Allah!

So, I'm taking time out for me, and it is very beneficial. I'm making time to do khayr and it's just the most wonderful happy feeling. I'm putting Allah first, so my attitude and emaan can remain more constant, and I'm chugging along like the little train that could. Alhamdulillahi Rabb il aal ameen!

Subhaanak Allahumma wa bihamdik, laa illaaha illa Allah, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.

Charging Ahead

 Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

I could start this post talking about all the things I haven't managed to do yet, but where is the positivity in that? So, I will tell you that I am charging ahead with the good deeds, with the gifts, with the sadaqah, with the determined efforts to do khayr and it is wonderful alhamdulillah! Whatever issues have arisen, Allah has given me great ease with maashaa Allah. My loneliness has been replaced by visits from sisters coming to bake, play games, and have lessons and having great conversations with my eldest daughter. My days have a good dose of "me" in them, full of positivity and progress with my PT exercises and hypopressives. I feel better, optimistic, hopeful maashaa Allah, wa alhamdulillah.

I'm charging ahead with the khayr: bringing smiles, bringing ease, meeting needs and wants bi idhn Illah ta'ala, and Allah is bringing me smiles, ease, and meeting my needs! 

Subhaanak Allahumma wa bi hamdihi, laa illaha illa Ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.

Identifying My Mistake

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

I kept replaying the sentence in my mind: "I feel that I am not a priority to those I make my priority." Then, as I was driving this morning it all came together clearly.  

I spent the day before telling a sister that she needed to take care of herself. That she would not be able to take care of her family if she wasn't maintaining herself. I even quoted the Qur'aan, where Allah says in Surat Tahreem to "save yourself and your family from the fire that is fueled by men and stones." He, subhaanahu wa ta'ala, tells us to save ourselves first and then our families. 

I have been taking steps to help myself, such as going to the doctor with a long list of years' long issues. I started physical therapy for 2 years of hip pain, 4 years of knee pain, and 19 years of carpal tunnel pain. How's that for not taking care of myself, just putting up with stress and pain? How's that for not honoring the body Allah blessed and entrusted me with, and yet running myself into the ground to try to take care of others? All these years of serving everyone else, of trying to please others at my own expense, of putting up with one niggling health issue after another, have turned my body into a tight, knotted up repository for stress and tension.

Yesterday, I enrolled in a program to fix another health condition that I've had for around 10 years, with the clear intention of taking care of my needs and addressing another stressor.  I'm taking time to do my PT exercises and stretches each day. I haven't been for my walks, still haven't done my daily time in the sunshine, but I'm still finding my way to taking the steps.

There has been a subtle change in my home since I started going for PT appointments and making time for my healing and wellbeing. Others have done more to help, alhamdulillah. They have perhaps seen me as an individual, rather than just a good old dependable part of the family. 

So then, what was my mistake?  I don't need to be a high priority to others, and I can still make others my priority. However, I need to be a top priority to myself.

Subhaanaka Allahumma wa bihamdihi, laa ilaaha illaa Ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.

Step after Step after Step

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

Subhaan Allah, I haven't walked since the Taking the Steps post a few days ago, but Allah has sent me so much walhamdulillah!

Sunday's class was Step 2 in the 8 Steps to Happiness book and it said occupy yourself with beneficial activities and knowledge. Well teaching sisters how to bake bread and walking for my health and wellbeing are beneficial activities, alhamdulillah, and reading the book is beneficial knowledge. In any case, after disgraceful procrastination I read some Qur'aan after my adhkaar this morning. A step to happiness indeed!

A package arrived in the mail from my dear friend with a gift...of a lavender candle and SOCKS! Maashaa Allah, 5 pairs of adorable warm and woolly socks that just scream at me, "Go on, Mai, take those steps, go for those walks!" No coincidences here, Allah is clearly sending me messages of what I need and the equipment to do it. Subhaan Allahi wa bihamdihi, subhaan Allah il atheem!

I need to sit outside in the sunshine for 10-15 minutes each day. I will be working on that next, in conjunction with increasing my Qur'aan reading and recitation. Plans that aren't overwhelming and that I know will make me feel better bi idhn Illah ta'ala.

I'm prepping for Ramadhaan - going back to Shk Uthaymeen's Daily Sittings again this year and answering the daily Ramadhaan questions I did for my children years ago and posted on this blog inshaa Allah. 

Steps, and plans for steps - may Allah give me and all of us the success that lies with Him Alone - ameen.

Subhaanaka Allahumma wa bihamdika, laa illaaha illa Allah, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.

Taking the steps...

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

I finally went for a walk this morning and immediately started pondering how I had shut myself off from so much over the past couple of years. I was thinking I'd walk down the long lane beside our land, but once I got to the gate, I realized that I had no reason to walk outside of our land, maashaa Allah. It was crazy. We have 51 acres of land that I could take a walk on, not having to bother about cars driving by or wearing proper hijab or being far away if I was needed back at the house, and this was the first time I'd done it. Subhaan Allah, every time I take a step, make an effort to do something, Allah blesses me with so much! 

I walked around and saw things around the farm, snow-capped mountains to the west, smokey low mountains to the north, indescribable clouds in rows with a rainbow sherbet sunrise making itself seen below them and thought about how much I was missing of all Allah has given me to appreciate and be in awe of. How will I appreciate more if I don't expose myself to it, if I don't take the step and open my eyes to it? 

I remembered how my walks alone helped me to work through things and give myself time to unearth all the deep-down thoughts and emotions that have been swept under the rug for years and need to be addressed. I thought of friendships that seemed so imbalanced that I could no longer sustain them and just thought to myself, "Let it go. Make du'a, love them from afar, and let.it.go." 

Allah is opening my mind to reason and letting reason govern my reactions and emotions. It's a process, but one that I can clearly implement and work through inshaa Allah. So many times I feel hurt by something that, if the situation was reversed, I would not consider it hurtful. That thought alone is freeing! Just looking at it from a different perspective changes the whole picture. In turn, it releases stress and unreasonable emotional expectations. If others are simply doing their thing, so can I. I just have to keep taking my own steps.

So, my advice of the day to anyone who needs it is to take your own steps to what will help you and let Allah leave you awestruck!

Subhaan Allahi wa bihamdihi, laa illaaha ilaa Ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.

Allah's Response to my Horrible Stuff

 Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

Subhaan Allah, after actually writing about my feelings and reaching out to Allah for His Help, here is the series of events He sent me. 

From others:

My eldest daughter did some things to help me around the house and started talking to me, having conversations throughout the day, maashaa Allah.

My dear friend in Minnesota contacted me, making du'a and telling me she was sending me something she hoped would brighten my day. Allahumma Baarik alayhaa daa'iman wa jazaaha Allahu khayr!

Another sister who recently contacted me, contacted me again and made the most beautiful du'a for the resolution of my struggles - Allahumma Baarik alayhaa daa'iman wa jazaaha Allahu khayr!

In me:

I thought to myself, obedience to Allah increases emaan and I need to make the effort to change things, take steps towards others, do more of what I love (giving, helping, good deeds) in order to feel better and improve my situation. I am naturally an introvert, so reaching out to others isn't the easiest thing for me, but the first step is usually the hardest and, in this case, it just got easier and easier from there, alhamdulillah.

So, I contacted one sister and offered some ideas to relieve her pain. Then I offered up my Sunday morning to teach sisters in our community how to bake bread and resume our Sunday Islamic Studies classes. I found hard copies of the last book we studied and ordered the last 4 I could find to gift the sisters. I offered to gift copies of the book we were going to start to any sisters in our community who would like one.  I was feeling better already. I even cleaned up and tidied because the sisters were coming and then felt happier about the state of our home. 

The baking went beautifully, a new skill that will inshaa Allah benefit them and their families for generations to come! 

Now, about the class...

The book we started is 8 Steps to Happiness - Awakening the Inner Self in Pursuit of Personal Change by Shaykh Abu Abdu-r-Rahman Nasir as-Sa'di (may Allah shower His Mercy upon him). 

So, guess what Chapter One said? It said happiness comes from having emaan and yaqeen in Allah and doing good deeds! Allahu Akbar! You see the complete circle? I reached out and tried to do more good deeds to feel better, increase my emaan, and then Allah told me that was exactly what would bring me happiness! Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, wa l'Illah il Hamd! Ooh, how I'm looking forward to next Sunday's class and teaching the sisters how to make sandwich bread, bi idhn Illah ta'ala!

One of the sisters brought me a gift, these adorable socks, Allahumma Baarik alayha wa jazaaha Allahu khayr! Inshaa Allah these socks are made for walking, and I'll get outside soon and just enjoy a walk on my own.

I started fasting on Monday and will continue for ayaam il abeedh through Thursday inshaa Allah...and I will patiently persevere taking my steps towards Allah so He, Al-Wadood, runs to me. 

Much, much, much love to you all!

Subhaanak Allahumma wa bihamdihi, laa illaaha ilaa Ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.

Horrible Stuff

 Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

Subhaan Allah, I lost myself again. Not the autopilot, disconnect I sometimes feel when I'm busy, but to a whole new level, wa audhu b'Illahi min ashaytaan irrajeem! 

I have been feeling lonely. I feel that nobody wants to know me, know how I feel, what I like, what I dislike, my struggles. I feel that everything is expected of me, and yet nobody sees that I am a human being with needs. I feel like everything falls on me. I have to make contact, reach out to others, make the effort, be proactive. I feel pressure upon me and despair under that pressure. 

Please take note that I keep saying, "I feel...". That means that there are people around me and in my life who love me, care about me as a person, and maybe even truly want to be part of my life and do things I enjoy. I just don't feel like there are. Astaghfirullah! I want to go for walks, I'm not going anywhere. I cannot even fathom how to get anyone to walk with me. Sad, but true, I feel like running away...to nowhere.  

Oh, I need to read my own blog! I need to not take it personally when other people's idea of love isn't the same as mine. I need to rationalize that people have their own lives and don't have time to focus on me or listen to me. I feel that I am not a priority to those I make my priority. Yes, I seriously need to read my own blog! But no man is an island and while I'm never alone with my Perfect and Precious Rabb to turn to, He Who knows me inside out, I feel lonely surrounded by family and friends. 

Anyone know this feeling? Well, I know I need to do things to set myself right. I just have to fight through to increase in my ibadah and turn to Allah. He is the one to set right my heart and mind, to set right my relationships. 

Inshaa Allah, I will post again with my progress on this. It's been going on for a long time, so when I find solutions, I'll share inshaa Allah. 

Much love!

Subhaan Allahi wa bihamdihi, laa illaaha ila Ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.

 

A Rap Song I've been working on for around 14 years

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh

Before you think I've fallen into sin, writing a rap song, check out the lyrics and the motivation. It's a work in progress, and any additions you may have are welcome!

I wear my pants, Baggy cut

Flashin' my drawers and half my butt

'Cause I'm a dumbo

Uh uh uh

I'm a dumbo

If I try to run around

My pants make a puddle on the ground

'Cause I'm a dumbo

Uh uh uh

I'm a dumbo

I wear my pants tight as can be

Crotch right down to my knees

'Cause I'm a dumbo

Uh uh uh

I'm a dumbo

I think I'm cool, super fly

Plumber's crack in your eye

'Cause I'm a dumbo

Uh uh uh

I'm a dumbo

Skinny jeans, muffin top

Look just like a cake pop

'Cause I'm a dumbo

Uh uh uh

I'm a dumbo

Shaved my eyebrows, drew a line

Look amazed all the time

'Cause I'm a dumbo

Uh uh uh

I'm a dumbo

It has the children cracking up, maashaa Allah. 

You see, I wanted to satirize pop culture fashion so the children could see the ridiculous side of it, not just think it was "cool." Just telling children that it isn't Islamic or something we shouldn't imitate may not change their viewpoint, but giving them a different perspective, something that will stick in their heads and make them laugh when they see an example of it, may well reach them more effectively.  As part of my mothering strategies I come up with a lot of nutty stuff to give a different view of what's considered "in, hip, cool, etc." and success is only with Allah, Who knows best.

Subhaanak Allahumma wa bihamdik, laa illaaha illaa ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.

Letting Go

BismIllah wa assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

For most of my years as a Muslimah, I have asked Allah to use me to benefit others and be a positive influence. That is a big deal to me. However, there have been situations in my life where I have tried to help and failed, Qadru Allahi wa maa shaa faal. What I didn't pay enough attention to was the Qadru Allahi wa maa shaa faal part. I churned my failures over and over in my mind, feeling ill considering what I did wrongly or aspects I missed. I held myself accountable for my inability to solve, resolve, or alleviate others' problems.

Finally, alhamdulillah, I internalized the fact that the only way I have ever helped anyone was by Allah's Will; I understood that it was not in my control. Those situations I could not benefit were never within my ability to benefit. I, nonsensically, held myself accountable for something outside of my ability.

So, this is about letting go. Letting go of guilt and misery about what I cannot control. No more profuse apologies and sleepless nights, but rather, Qadru Allahi wa maa shaa faal. Better to hang on to those feelings of guilt and misery in regard to the things within my ability that I fall short in. Most surely, focusing on those can bring benefit and positivity to myself and those around me.

Subhaanak, Allahummah wa bihamdik, laa ilaaha ilaa ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.

Micromanagement

Bismillah wa assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

As parents, spouses,  friends, managers, and employees we often find ourselves trying to micromanage situations. We see a potential opportunity or problem and try to set up a whole scenario or sequence of events to make it work or avoid it. We see weaknesses and try to troubleshoot and scaffold until they are overcome, or at least not causing serious harm. We try to establish road blocks to disobedience to Allah and open pathways to all that is halal and tayyibaat.

But, although this is simply tying our camel , like Yusuf (alayhi salaam's) father in Surah Yusuf, there is a basic truth in his words that sums it up.

Ayah 67. And he said: "O my sons! Do not enter by one gate, but enter by different gates, and I cannot avail you against Allah at all. Verily! The decision rests only with Allah. In him, I put my trust and let all those that trust, put their trust in Him."

 We cannot micromanage Allah's Qadr. When all our efforts are turned upside down, we need to stop trying to do what, in reality, is out of our ability and control, and leave it to Allah with complete calm and trust. He is perfect, we are not. His Plan is infallible, whereas He shows us that clearly our's are not. He knows each of His creation, the path they will travel, and their ultimate end.

We cannot micromanage aqeedah,  emaan, taqwa, or tawwakal. We cannot micromanage a mind or a heart. How many have persisted on major sins before coming to obedience? How many have wallowed in kufr before coming to correct aqeedah? If a person is destined to obedience we cannot ruin that and if a person is destined to disobedience, we cannot save them.

So we do what we can to enjoin the good and forbid the wrong, but when Allah steers a situation away from our righteous goals, trust in it. He is the only One Who really micromanages anything; we need to know that and trust in His perfection.

Subhaanak Allahummah wa bihamdik, laa ilaaha ilaa ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.

Perseverance

Bismillahi wa assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

I had a truly gushing moment yesterday while finishing lunch with my daughters. They really do have to put up with all sorts of emotional outbursts from me, LOL, maashaa Allah.

I said,  "For anyone just looking at me or considering what I've done in my life, they would not imagine me being of the muqarraboon - those forerunners closest to Allah.  I consider my shortcomings, failings, and sins and find myself in a miserable state in front of Allah. After all, I am just a regular person, not a prophet or scholar or prominent caller to Islam.

But my all encompassing and desperate desire to be of the muqarraboon makes me persevere with 'ibaadah, istighfar, and acknowledging every pain and difficulty as a much deserved and light recompense for my sins.  I charge on, sometimes plod on, but I refuse to despair of Allah's mercy and give up hope that He will put me with the muqarraboon. Having certainty of Allah's perfect qualities motivates me to persevere.

So I say to you all, don't EVER give up on your righteous goals. Our most forgiving, gentle,  merciful, and generous Creator sees everything and can do anything.

Subhaanak Allahumma la ilaaha ila ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.

Gifts!

Bismillah wa assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. These days are special, these first ten days of Dhul Hijjah, maashaa Allah. These days hold amazing opportunities for rewards in all that we do. Allah's Generosity is overwhelming!

Many of us fast, do extra ibaadah, give sadaqah, try harder...but there is something else we can do that's free but gives huge and valuable rewards to others. We can make use of our gifts.

Drink a cup of the special tea your friend gifted you with each day after iftar or for suhoor. Read your du'a and adhkaar from the books gifted to you, or say the authentic ones taught you in a class or by a loved one. Wear the socks and gloves gifted to you, use the pen, carry the bag, blow your nose on the hankie.

Use your gifts with the clear intention of rewarding the givers for their generosity. Make du'a for the gift givers and ask Allah to bless them with more. If you cannot make use of some gifts, ask Allah to reward the giver as if you used it every day.

Give bigger gifts back to the givers, by using their gifts. "Is there any reward for good except good?" (Ar-Rahmaan) It's a win-win situation!

Planning for Success: Ramadhaan 1436

Bism Illah wa assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

For major events in life, we usually make plans so that they will be a success. Well the "Month of the Year" is coming up, a month that can turn hearts, set lives in order or back on track, repair broken connections with our Creator, and be an expiation for all that has gone before it. Ramadhaan deserves planning - planning for success!

Something I find very beneficial in Ramadhaan is to have a study plan, or lessons, that fit the month -
30 days:30 lessons. Here are some suggestions for your Ramadhaan study plan.


SISTERS ONLY CLASSES: Making the most of Ramadhaan and The Qur'aan: A Light and a Mercy

This 29-day course consists of two daily classes during Ramadhaan:
Making the Most of Ramadhaan:
Using the book Fasting from Alif to Yaa, compiled by Umm Mujaahid, Khadijah bin Lacina Al Amreekiyyah, and
Sittings during the Blessed Month of Ramadan By Shaykh Muhammad Ibn Saalih Al-Uthaymeen
The Qur'aan: A Light and Mercy:
This interactive class will cover a Surah a day from the Surahs of Juz Amma as well as Suratul-Fatiha. It will include: Tafseer, rules of Tajweed and evaluation of recitation, tips on memorization and review, the importance and benefits of learning and reciting the Qur'aan, especially within the month of Ramdhaan, and much more.

Disciplining the Soul by Ibn Jawzi, raheemahullah. This is truly a self-help/self-improvement book for Muslims, maashaa Allah, with 30 short, life-changing chapters. We have recently read it as part of our Islamic Studies curriculum, so we are not including it in our Ramadhaan study plan, but it is something I plan to revisit yearly bi idhn Illah, ta'ala either in Ramadhaan or in preparation the month.

30 Lessons in Fasting, Shk Saalih Al Fawzaan
We are doing these this year, inshaa Allah.

Shk Uthaymeen's Daily Sittings in Ramadhaan
We did these for 3 or 4 Ramadhaans in a row, maashaa Allah, and they are wonderful!

Bitesize Articles 2011
Short lessons for each day of Ramadhaan by Abbas Yahya, found on Al Miraath Publications website.

Bitesize Articles 2013
A different set of short lessons for Ramadhaan by Abbas Yahya, found on Al Miraath Publications.

Our family will be having a very international Ramadhaan, bi idhn Illah ta'ala, with the first week spent in Madinah, the second in Makkah, the third England, and the last traveling across the USA from Washington DC to New Mexico inshaa Allah. We are planning a course of study that can be done on the road, on the run, offline, and pretty much wherever we find ourselves. This year, we are focusing on tafseer of the Qur'aan. We seek greater understanding and connection with Allah's perfect words. What more appropriate time to do that than the month the Qur'aan was revealed?

We have found some wonderful technology to assist us, an application called Quran Tafsir Pro. This application has the Qur'aan ayah by ayah by a huge range of qaaris, including Ibrahim al Akhdar, the qaari we learn our recitation from exclusively. It also has the translation, and at one touch, the tafsir of each ayah. Not only that, but it has an ayah test and random ayah test feature where you are shown an ayah and have to chose the translation/meaning of each word and are scored at the end. On the touch of a word it will give you the grammatical information about it, maashaa Allah. Now that's beneficial entertainment we can all happily indulge in bi idhn Illah ta'ala! And lastly in my promo for this application (ha ha ha!), it has a feature where you can see the du'a from the Qur'aan - beautiful, wal hamdul'Illahi Rabbil aal ameen!

We will be tapping in to Umm Mujaahid's class, Making the Most of Ramadhaan whenever we can inshaa Allah. We are also planning to use the interactive Qur'aanic Arabic Quiz Programme, www.80percentwords.com These things, along with our goal to complete the recitation of the complete Qur'aan over the month, will be our plan for Ramadhaan 1436 bi idhn Illah ta'ala.

We seek Allah's success for our family, your family, and our whole ummah in reaching and exceeding our goals this  Ramadhaan - ameen!

Subhaanaka wa bihamdika laa ilaaha ilaa ant, astaghfirukah wa atoobu ilayk.