Choosing a Spouse - #1 on my NEVER EVER List

 Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh

This is a rule for sisters, which means it's very important for brothers to think about. 

Never marry someone whose level of Islam is lower than yours. If their understanding and knowledge is equal to or better than yours then you will have the respect for them and the confidence to obey them and trust them to, bi idhn Illah ta'ala, lead you and your family in righteousness. 

When I say their understanding and knowledge, I mean that not only should they have sound aqeedah, fiqh, and a good grasp of the teachings of the Quraan and ahadith, but that you should clearly see that reflected in their appearance, behavior, and manners. There should be a history of seeking knowledge that is ongoing. There should be clear prioritization of  Quraan - memorization, tafseer, implementation - as it is the user manual for mankind. Don't accept wishy washy answers, you want clear evidence that they are pursuing 'ilm (beneficial Islamic knowledge) and that it is a lifelong commitment. 

The consequences of accepting a husband with lesser knowledge than you will result in you not being able to trust them to make decisions and establish things in your lives that are correct or pleasing to Allah. He may not care about you wearing correct hijab, mixing of men and women, lowering the gaze, watching movies, prioritizing Islamic education over secular, etc. Simply put, his priorities will not align with Islamic teachings. If the gap in understanding and/or practice is notable, you could be accepting someone who will lead you straight to jahannam! May Allah, subhaanahu wa ta'ala, protect all His sincere believers from such a fate - ameen!

Believe me, you do not want a husband who is relaxed in their deen. You do not want a husband who will let sins slide for the sake of worldly gain, pleasures, or entertainment. You do not want a husband who is weak, undisciplined, struggling with self control and will power. 

Of course, he will have shortcomings, make mistakes, and have failings but his foundation must be firm, strong, and established in order to save himself and his family from the fire. That is a man you will respect and love, in shaa Allah.

Subhaanak, Allahumma wa bihamdik, laa ilaaha ilaa Ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.

The DANGER in disappointment

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh

Subhaan Allah, I have had to correct my thinking and turn my focus around, back to myself and away from what is in front of me. 

I see so much that disappoints me, but am I in a position to be disappointed in others? Subhaan Allah, I am a disappointment to myself every day! I realize that I am disappointed in being exposed to Allah's Qadr! 

What I see, I'm meant to see. Who I am with, where I go, what I experience is all meant for me. So how can I be disappointed? After all, if what other people do isn't pleasing to Allah it isn't my standards they are not meeting, it's Allah subhaanahu wa ta'ala's. They are in my life, in my view, part of an experience that I am meant to witness Qadr Allahu wa maa shaa fa'al. 

What I need to do is benefit from it all. I need to make du'a that Allah doesn't test me with the same deficiencies and that He forgives others and removes those deficiencies from them. I need to have taqwa and turn away from the makrooh and haram. I need to exercise wisdom and manners in handling situations, whether in giving dawah or forbidding a wrong or teaching what is correct. I need to use the examples to motivate and push me to better behavior because they are warnings, they are vicarious lessons, they are blessed motivators.

I love the statement: If it doesn't move me closer to Allah, I don't want it. However, I had to follow that up with: It's up to me to make everything move me closer to Allah. It's up to me to say alhamdulillah and see the benefit and blessing in those things that will move me closer to Allah.

Subhaanak, Allahumma wa bihamdik, laa illaaha ilaa Ant, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.

A Gift for my Sisters...A Wake Up Call

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

I was blessed to take a course called the Sakina Wife. It was the refresh and recharge I needed alhamdulillah. It changed me, improved aspects of my behavior, my understanding, and my deen. It proved to be the cherry on top of my marriage wa Allahu Akbar wa l'Illah il Hamd! Truly Allah subhaanahu wa ta'ala gives you what you need exactly when you need it. May Allah reward those who provide the course and the additional ones that build upon it - ameen.

We were gifted this book with the permission to share it when we completed the course. While the course goes into depths, this book addresses mistakes we make that truly sabotage ourselves, our deen, and our marriages. Whether you are married or not, this is a truly valuable read. 

https://www.scribd.com/document/1017865283/Full-Stop-New-Line-1

May Allah bless us all with success in our marriages and may we all be blessed with entry into Jennah though any gate we choose - ameen.