Saturday, June 12, 2010

Working My Way Backwards About Real Love

BismIllah wa as salaamu alaykum.

There are no coincidences. I continue to have these experiences where I find that Allah leads me to a certain place, in worship, thinking, levels of understanding, etc. and then, a while later, they are validated by someone or something. Here is an examples about love.

I wrote about love, about arriving at a place where I understand that love is wanting another person to please Allah in every aspect of their life and find their ultimate end in Jennah al Firdaus. I even wrote that it isn't love to leave someone to do haram, but it is love to correct and advise in any way possible to bring them to obedience in the Eyes of their Creator. I believe this is the real love, something that has real value. I can no longer view those who spend time together in friendship or a relationship, to the detriment of their obedience and ibaadah to Allah, as ones who love each other. They are following and feeding each others' selfish desires. Then I read this:

"Sufyaan ath-Thawri said, “I might meet a brother and as a result, remain heedless (of what I should be doing) for an entire month.” A friend, Sufyaan insisted, should be someone who helps one to improve as a Muslim; otherwise he is not worth keeping as a friend. Sufyaan expressed this sentiment when he sad, “If someone is not with you, then he is against you.” And Yousuf ibn Asbaat reported that he heard Sufyaan ath-Thawri say, “Whenever I spoke contrary to the desires of any man, he, regardless of who he was, would inevitably become furious with me. The people of knowledge and piety have departed.” Sufyaan once advised someone to test the character of the person he wanted to befriend. Sufyaan said, “Choose whoever you want as your companion. But when you have made your choice, make him angry, and then order someone to go and ask him what he thinks about you-without him knowing that you sent that person.” Bakr ibn Muhammad Al-’Aabid related that Sufyaan ath-Thawri once said to him, “Direct me to a man with whom I can keep company.” Sufyaan said, “You are searching for something that cannot be found.” Khalf ibn Ismaa’eel Al-Barzaanee reported that he heard Sufyaan ath-Thawri said, “Acquaint yourself with fewer people, and as a result, you will backbite less (frequently).” And Sufyaan ibn ‘Uyainah said, “I once saw ath-Thawri in my sleep and I said to him, ‘Advise me,’ and he responded, ‘Acquaint yourself with fewer people.”

So, what I have found is that those I love will accept my advice, knowing that I want what is best for them and that it is given out of love. When one truly seeks out those people of humbleness and piety, then friendship and love is possible. It inevitably does result in having deep relationships with fewer people. However, those relationships will, inshaa'Allah, be pleasing to Allah and you will form a wall of believers...bricks to each other and ever growing in strength.


  1. Alhamdulillah. I've enjoyed reading this piece and several other's on love.... I find myself struggling with this so much over the past 6 years. I will not lie, I want to feel loved, valued and wanted. But in your post you make excellent points about what love is, and what really matters in regards to it. I feel like such a loser and wonder why total submission to Allah azza wa jal come so natural to others and why I struggle so much despite my earnest desire to come closer to Allah and serve Him.

    I have a question that is unrelated but I think it will help me in getting closer to Allah. How do you and your family memorize specific ayat or hadith, then encourage each other to implement it? Also how do you handle those in household who refuse to implement the guidance or make excuses about them not wanting to change their character to be more like the believer? I don't want to be a dictator, but I want improvement in our characters so we can be of those who Allah loves. But I feel like I'm the only one..... Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Jazakallahu khirin for these post, both here and on Healing Earth. They are giving me tools and hope!

    1. My dear sister Rumaysah, I believe everyone wants and needs to feel loved, valued, and wanted. However, will you really feel loved, valued, and wanted if it's only for what someone can get from you, or because of your external appearance without a care for your behavior, obedience to Allah, or the state of your heart? Will you really feel loved, valued, and wanted if nobody cares if you please Allah and get to Jennah? A loser? Inshaa Allah, never! Allah knows your struggle, He knows your heart, and He knows your striving and struggles...and those are the things that will bring you through to a better place bi ithn Illah ta'ala! We all struggle, albeit in different ways and with different things. After all, no struggle, no Love...because Allah tells us when He Loves us, He will test us,

      As for your questions, I am going to try to put things together a bit, with links to other parenting posts that hopefully will provide an answer. I totally relate to those questions and can address them from first hand experience, so I hope that through Allah's Guidance, I will be able to give you more tools and loads of HOPE!

      Much love to you sister!