Sunday, October 24, 2010

Just One of My Fears...

BismIllah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah.

Many things are chugging through, flitting about in, wandering in and out of, and seriously on my mind. One of them, which is extremely important and is a great fear of mine is the danger of enjoying having people agree with me, praising, or showing appreciation for what I do, write, or say to them.

When I write, I put my ideas out into cyberspace for the purpose of self-development, to communicate with friends, and in case it might benefit anyone who happens to read them. I have asked myself if I would write if nobody ever commented or responded in any way to it. The answer is yes. I write because I believe there is benefit in it for me. As I grow, struggle, and strive I keep an account of at least some of what my mind and heart are going through. Perhaps, years from now, my children will read all this and have a better idea of who their mother really is, what she was about, and how much she put into the whole family's growth and development.

However, when I get a comment that someone agrees with me or says thanks for posting something, I often stand at the stove (don't ask me why this place) and worry to myself that I might have a trace of "praise junkie" in me. Audhu b'Illahi min ash-shaytaan ir-rajeem! That is so frightening. Also, I fear the sin of kibr (feeling proud of myself) because of something I wrote that is agreed with or appreciated. Ugh! I know that the perfect words are the Quran, that the most beneficial words for our life practice are the ahadith, and that the light shed on the Quran and Sunnah come from the true scholars. They are my focus for reading, learning, and attainment.  So what is the point of writing anything?

Okay, I've brought myself to this point. I understand that we have all those beautiful resources, and those are what I read, turn to, and strive to base my life on. However, I am striving, struggling, and going through all kinds of developmental stages which other mere humans may well relate to. I'm not "THERE" yet, and never will be...but perhaps sharing my journey will encourage or at least give me company along the path...ya Rabb, inshaa'Allah ALWAYS the siraat al mustaqeem - ameen.


  1. I know why you wrote this.... and it brings to mind a Hadith of our Prophet(saws)[words to the effect] which tells us NOT to praise people on their face... because of the same reasons you just wrote... The only difference here(and you might disagree with me if you like)is that these praises you speak of are not said to you 'on your face' but rather through the ONLY medium a person has to show his/her appreciation for whatever it is that you typed.. from your heart.. and which helped. In fact, if I was your neighbor (and I would be so blessed if that was the case!) and you said anything to me which at that time was 'Allah-sent', then there would be so many other choice of gestures to let you know it was much appreciated... perhaps some warm muffins right out the oven, or even better, a great Big Hug! Unfortunately, in this electronic medium is very difficult to show how much a person's words have meant... P.M(saws) also tells us to "give each other presents.. for that will increase the love between each other's hearts".. or something to the effect. Again, our 'presents' to each other in cyberspace are our words... so try to keep it in perspective that whatever you do/write/say which comes out of your heart will inevitably benefit others and that in itself is a GREAT gift from Allah!

    Keep doing what you do... none of us is 'there' yet, but it is only by helping each other and giving from what we 'do' have that we will ever make it to our destination... Allah!!! "A Mu'min is a mirror to a Mu'min"... or something like that... Whenever we are down we hope for someone to 'lift us up'.. and in turn, we hope we can be the ones doing the 'lifting' up at times to. Take care sweetie... and please don't take this as a compliment, but as me looking into 'my' mirror... "Hugs" :D

    ..May Allah(swt) keep using US for Khair! Aameen!

  2. Salams Mai! I'm sure it's a test from Allah that humans naturally seek approval and acceptance from our fellow human beings. Ask Allah to keep your heart free from "the hidden shirk" and pride. It's always scary to feel proud of yourself. Give thanks to Allah and maybe before you read your comments, make your nayyah that you're looking for constructive criticism, or a correction, not praise. We all need to remember how important humbling oneself is, I'm reminding myself first. Salam walaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahoo.

  3. Wa alaykum as salaam wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh Ping Pong and Umm Hamza!

    Jazaakunna Allahu khayran for your understanding and care. I appreciate it greatly. Ping, you hit the nail on the head about the hadith about praising, mashaa'Allah. I think another aspect that was brought out, that is always there but I didn't mention it, is that we are not the ones who benefit anyone. It is Allah, subhaana wa taala, Who uses us at His Will for various purposes when we seek that from Him. Whatever good in our words comes from His infinite Wisdom and Guidance. All the beauty and benefit is from Him. That is the key to keeping free from the hidden shirk and kibr!

    Umm Hamza, I am always looking for constructive criticism, and mashaa'Allah your suggestion to make the niyyah before reading any comment is beneficial. Also, I have thought that I need to seek refuge from shaytaan before reading any comments as well. We can never seek enough protection from that rotten devil!

    May Allah always keep us humble and protect us from the whispers of His enemy - the accursed!

    Hugs to you both, my companions on the journey!