August 2011

Bism Illah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

Here we all are, in the last few days of Ramadhan. The third for Mercy is finished, the third for forgiveness has passed, and the erasing of sins is passing through like a steam train. The final night of Ramadhan and it's promise of forgiveness lies ahead, like a gleaming, precious prize within sight. Turn to Allah in sincerity. Turn to Allah with your heart open. Turn to Allah with every ounce of regret and repentance you have. Turn to Allah with desperation and need. Turn to Allah with total reliance and love. Turn to Allah with heart-wrenching tears. Remember, you do little things for Him, but He does everything for you.

Carpe Diem

As this Ramadhan has progressed, the children and I have been almost exclusively in the house. We have literally spent our days reading Qur'an, praying, reading the Daily Sittings, and having other little injections of 'ilm and adaab throughout the day. It has been precious.

It made me reflect on how time-sensitive Ramadhan is... and how many other things are as well. I have been considering how dangerous it is to plan for the future at the expense of the present. It is critical to consider what is important right now. What should take priority? Ask yourself, "What am I supposed to do? What is optional? What is urgent? What is necessary right now for a better later and what is necessary later for a better future?"

Of course, we must plan and look forward. However, we must attend to the present day needs, especially in the raising and educating of our children, our ibaadah, and our development in our religion. Let's not fool ourselves that if we procrastinate it is justified. Procrastination is from shaytaan. Procrastination makes us seem unreliable, inconsistent, and not true to our word. Time sensitive things should not be procrastinated about, because the chance to do them doesn't return...and we won't just be asked about what we did in this life, but also what we failed to do. 

Gifts for the Giver

Gifts come in many forms, but those material gifts we receive deserve some consideration. One example came to me recently that I want to share with you all.

I don't bother using a prayer rug/mat very often. However, I have been given prayer mats over the years and I have them distributed between the United States, England, and Madinah. I make a point to use my prayer mats/rugs for every prayer, choosing different places to make sujood, in an attempt to eventually make sujood on every bit of the mat. They were gifts to me. so, although I would be more inclined to pray on the bare floor, I want those who gave me the gifts to reap as much reward as possible from them. It is my gift of appreciation to them and inshaa'Allah an increasing of their account in illiyeen. They gave me a gift and my gift in return is to give them as much reward for that gift as possible.

This doesn't just pertain to prayer mats, but to any and all gifts given. If I cannot use it or know I won't do it justice, I ask Allah to give them reward for it as if I used it every day and I seek someone who it will benefit so that the giver can get additional reward and the gift is put to good use. This is some food for thought, especially as Eid is approaching and some gifts may be given and received.


An Amazing Thought

For many reverts, we struggle with our parents and loved ones not accepting Islam. In addition, it is hard on a believer's heart to think of another going astray and being destined for the Fire, audhu b'Illah! Recently, I was talking to somebody who has relatives who have consistently been off-track Islamically for some time. They hurt deeply over it and it costs them time, stress, and tears.

When I thought about how people dread the idea of their loved ones entering into an eternal punishment, I realized something mind-blowing. We are told by Allah that in Jennah we will never have a bad feeling or be unhappy; it isn't possible there. We also know that when the time comes and the Horn is blown twice and our accounts are handed to us, we will be focusing only on our situation with Allah. There is no room for looking around at what's going on with any others. After that, should we be of the blessed ones who are admitted to Jennah, we will have nothing but eternal bliss. In other words, we think that it will be unbearable for us to have any loved one in the hellfire, but actually it won't have any impact on us at all. Once we get to that stage, there are no such feelings, there is no such trial for us. The idea is horrific in this life, but the reality will be nothing. Subhaan Allah! For all of you that had that figured out from day one, never mind about me...I'm a bit slow at times. LOL.

The Love of Your Life
Many times I hear from sisters about their struggles in marriage and in searching for a spouse. Women look for the man who will be their everything, and they often call their husband the love of their life. They build their lives around a man... and so Allah sends them various tests. Why? Because we are supposed to build our lives around Allah. If we please Allah, we will please those good people around us as well. If we please Allah, He will give us beautiful relationships in this dunya filled with deep love, for His sake. I've said it various times in the past, but sisters please don't pin all your hopes and dreams on any man - he is but a human being, made to err and imperfect. Pin all your hopes and dreams on Allah, subhaana wa taala, and then strive beside the man Allah has decreed for you to strive beside and be happy with His decree.


Latest Cyber Discoveries

A World of Green Muslims
www.khanacademy.org
Islam in Perspective, Arab News.
www.mini-mumin.com/ReadingRoom.html


Okay, rather than make this post any later than it already is, I'll leave it at that and hit publish.


Allah, subhaana wa taala, sends me idea after idea... revelation after revelation...concept after concept (alhamdul'Illah!) and I'm acting on them and communicating them to you. If there is any benefit from these ideas, it is ONLY attributable to Him, azza wa jal and any error is from shaytaan and my own, imperfect self. May Allah forgive me for my sins and mistakes, known and unknown. May Allah forgive us all - ameen.

July 2011

Bism Illah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

As some of you may already know, my posting on this blog is now limited to one post per month. For that reason, I've simply put the month and year as the title. These posts may be rather long at times, because I will try to fit in a variety of topics and updates. Inshaa'Allah, it will give you all plenty to think about and work on. Considering that I have close to 200 posts already on this blog, I'm sure if you get tired of reading the monthly post you can find something else to dig up and read, if you're in need of an "extreme" fix, LOL!

Ramadhan Preparation and Plan:

Last year we spent the majority of Ramadhan in Madinah, mashaa'Allah. The beauty of that lay in us having absolutely nowhere to go during the day and sitting at home. It set the scene for a program that benefited every one of our family members. The children read the daily juz from The Noble Qur'an, Khan and Hilali translation.They also read the Daily Sittings in Ramadan by Shk. Uthaymeen. As we only have translations of the Daily Sittings up to day 26, we selected certain pertinent major sins from Adh-Dhahabi's Major Sins book, and have them read and answer questions about them for the last 4 days. My 4 year old didn't read those things, but her 7 year old sister (mashaa'Allah) read to her or told her what she had learned each day. In this way, every one of us came away with the fiqh of fasting, in depth details about Jennah and Jehennem, and read the complete Quran over the month.

After the first 10 days, the system changed a little. We started out informally asking the children during the iftar meal what they had read about and learned that day. It became obvious that some were really reading and understanding and others were not. To remedy that, I read ahead and wrote out questions for them each day. They were given the questions and had to write the answers and hand them in each day. This not only pushed them to read for understanding, but I could focus the questions on key points and areas I wanted to instill in them and teach them.

This year, we have planned to do the questions for the Quran reading and Daily Sittings from the beginning of Ramadhan. They will be different from last year's and less in number.  This should remind, solidify, and build on what they learned last year, inshaa'Allah. We will also be doing three lessons/questions and answers from Shk Yahya al Hajooree's book on Aqeedah and Fiqh that was written for his children. These are the types of questions that are essential for all Muslims, but are presented in a way that is simple and the proof for each answer is something short enough to be learned and memorized. I'm hoping to learn some valuable proofs myself while teaching this to the children, inshaa'Allah.

The children, from the beginning of Rajab, are steered away from reading fiction and towards reading non-fiction and books to increase their Islamic knowledge and understanding. The bedtime stories for my girls are the Goodnight Stories from the Quran, Goodnight Stories about the Prophet Muhammad (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam), and now that we have finished those, the stories for children on World of Islam Portal that are all either telling hadith or learning events in Islamic history. They are wonderful, mashaa'Allah. The children have a library of books about the Prophets (alayhum as salaam), stories from the Quran, Islam and the environment, and loads of non-fiction books such as children's encyclopedias, science books, etc. They have time on the computer, time to play, and time for games and fun...but they operate within the premise that it must be beneficial, happily mashaa'Allah.

We are all expected to continue with our Quran memorization and The Daily Account will be amended to include cards for fasting, memorization, and completing the daily questions in good time, etc. There will be a gift at the end of the month for those with an excellent Daily Account....because just as Allah rewards his obedient servants, so will we reward them inshaa'Allah, as an incentive.

Yesterday, I baked batches of ginger snaps, hazelnut shortbread crescents, and different flavored biscotti as part of my Ramadan preparation. As much as possible, I will do ahead of time what I can so my time is as free as possible for worship. 

Islamic Inspiration:

If you have time, refocus and reground yourself. Read something to put you in a higher state of emaan and clear focus for the month of ibadah. The Ideal Muslimah and The Ideal Muslim are excellent all-round books that address every aspect of your being.  Remind yourself of what and where you should be.

Sabr:

I'm currently learning Surah Nuh, and when I got to ayah 5 and pondered on it for a moment, I realized what it was saying...in context. Nuh cried to Allah that he had called his nation to Islam night and day. He told Allah that it did nothing but increase them in arrogance and that they covered up their ears and covered their heads with their clothing. He faced such ignorance, such extreme rejection, for so many years. And what did Allah tell him? Build an ark in the middle of the desert where there is no body of water and limited supplies of wood. Nuh's mission lasted over 900 years...and nobody gave him the time of day.

So what can we say about ourselves, when we lose heart and get impatient after just a day, a week, a month, or a year without results or success. We have no idea what true sabr is. We need to give thanks every day for Allah's incredible mercy, that He doesn't lay tests upon us that are greater than the little ones we have, and that the tests He presents us with are so short and so simple in comparison.


Miscarriage Number 10:

Over the past three years I have had a series of miscarriages...and I am currently recovering from my tenth, al hamdul'Illah. Why so many? Qadr Allah, mashaa fa'al. The only medical testing left to do is for chromosomal abnormalities; otherwise all the other tests show that there is nothing wrong with me, mashaa'Allah,

I think that Allah is ensuring I still qualify as a woman worth marrying, LOL, as He is proving at this middle stage of my life that I am perfectly fertile, mashaa'Allah. Of course, He is also giving  us tests that we must respond to, react to, and formulate an attitude towards. We have been incredibly blessed with our two daughters and fully accept Allah's Decree.

The difficult part is becoming pregnant so frequently and then being in limbo between expecting the best from Allah and thinking positively, and noticing every twinge and cramp, dreading the sight of blood or not detecting a heartbeat. It is a far bigger mental and emotional test, than physical...even though it is physically painful.

The Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wasalam) said, upon him peace, "The miscarried child will pester its glorious and mighty Lord for His entering its two parents into the Fire until it is told, 'O miscarried child that pesters its Lord! Enter your father and mother into Paradise.' Then it will drag them with its umbilical cord until it makes them enter Paradise." Ibn Majah and Abu Ya`la from `Ali.

And again, "By the One in Whose hand is my soul, truly the miscarried child will certainly drag its mother with its umbilical cord to Paradise, provided one expects recompense [for sabr (patience)]." Ibn Majah and Ahmad from Mu`adh.

And he said, upon him peace: "Your little ones are the larvas (da`aamees) of Paradise. They will meet their parents and grab them by their garments or their hands to no end other than that Allah will enter them Paradise." Sahih Muslim.

Isn't that a divine reward for your heartache?

Also, the Prophet (SAW) said: "I swear that a miscarried child of mine I send forth before me is more beloved to me than [raising] a mounted knight that survives me." Ibn Majah from Abu Hurayra.

Fortitude with faith and surrender with ridaa - absolute acceptance - through losing a child, require inordinate strength of character because SABR carries huge reward and its difficulty means even more reward. "And whoever yatasabbaru (=is racked trying to endure in patience), Allah will grant them SABR, and none was ever given a greater gift than SABR." (narrated in the Five Books). Hence the magnificent, tremendous aya states {Verily the sabirun will receive a reward without measure} (39:10).

Hence Umm al-Darda' would say: "Those that gladly accept the Divine decree have a level in Paradise that the Shuhada' will envy them the Day of Resurrection."

May we be the envy of the Shuhada' - ameen!

"When Allah tests you it is never to destroy you. When He takes something out of your possession it is (only) in order to empty your hands for an even greater gift." (Ibn Al Qayyim)

Al Barakah:

After 5 years of working towards the goal of living in the Middle East with our children, we are here in Madinah al Munawarrah. After 8 years of dreaming and planning to buy land so we could have our own homestead, as of 20 July 2011, we now own 51 acres of land near Roy, New Mexico, wa al hamdul'Illah! We have somewhere to take our sheep in times of fitna, somewhere to realize our dream of Sunnah living, somewhere to plant seeds, build cob houses, raise animals, and truly know the simplicity of tawakkal (reliance on Allah)  and ibadah (worship), bi ithn Illah, taala. 

The objective of zuhd (asceticism) is to leave all that harms the servant's hereafter, and the objective of 'Ibâdah (worship) is to perform all that will benefit his hereafter. (Majmû 'ul-Fatâwâ, 14/458)

It is nothing less than a favor from our Lord, an amanah (trust) with us to honor and use for His worship, the implementation and propagation of the Quran and the Sunnah.. It is a huge blessing - and so it's name will be Al Barakah, inshaa'Allah.

It's all Good:

We are approaching the month of Mercy, the month of Forgiveness. Don't let it pass you by...as we don't know if we will see another Ramadhan after this one. Please don't linger on the negative, focus on the positive. See the "al hamdu l'Illah" in everything and say it for everything

"It's all about Jennah; everything else is insignificant."

Sticky Marital Stuff...When Hubby's Wrong and Trust is Gone

As salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

In marriage, and relationships in general, I think many of us face situations where Allah does not guide us to walk away and yet we don't know how to cope with the situation well. The woman's perspective is different than the man's, particularly because of her role within the marriage relationship. Most certainly, us wives have many faults and sins of our own. The difference is that Allah has given men authority over women, hence if the husband faces such issues with his wife, he must correct them. But what about the times when our husbands give in to shaytaan's whispers? This may be in various forms, such as:

- doing something that is, at best, doubtful Islamically
- doing acts hated by Allah,
- being disobedient to Allah, or
- falling into major sin.

Many sisters struggle with their emotions and how to cope with  a husband (or anyone close to to them) whose errors, makrooh actions, or sins affect them deeply.

In these cases I have to separate myself.  In a nutshell, the part of me that loves a person truly for the sake of Allah, and is torn apart when they do wrong, becomes desensitized over time. A protective coating has built up over my heart and with every sin, the coating becomes thicker. A little of the love and respect may be diminished and it is replaced with hatred for the despised action(s) and an aversion to the person when they commit those deeds. It often leaves me dreading any repeat offenses. This is particularly difficult when the person involved is your husband.

It is reported that Sufyân Al-Thawrî – Allâh have mercy on him – said:

If you loved a man for Allâh and then he innovates in Islâm and you don’t hate him for it, you never [truly] loved him for Allâh.

Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 7:34.

I remember the words of Allah in the Quran, "You will not be asked of what they did." I separate myself, because I cannot cope with such close involvement - it hurts me. I also separate myself because I hate what Allah Hates. I do not want to fall into the same sin or to be one of those who supports another in their sin. I'm sure it sounds cold and not supportive, but if I don't look at it like that, then I cannot function.

As for day-to-day life, how do you think and conduct yourself when you have these strong, negative emotions? Try to continue with life as usual without saying anything. I say, "try" because I am not a person who easily disguises feelings, so it is an effort that may not completely succeed for many of us. Harping on the issues will cause a problem and you may be blamed. If you are at a stage where there is little point in any speech, ask Allah to rectify your affairs and show both you and your husband the truth of the situation and make a clear path for you to His pleasure.

All this horrible stuff in marriage is why I wrote Trust after Betrayal, Hold on to your Hijab and The Road to Healing Rifts, inshaa'Allah. Try very hard to smile and focus on all the positive things; there are still many of them. That is how you can still enjoy your life and relationship.

Remember, you have your own faults, failings, and sins. The negatives don't go anywhere...they are there and that is part of the test so don't expect things to ever be exactly the same. The more the person errs, the more the healthy heart is repulsed. It is impossible to feel the same about someone if, or when, they do what is hated by Allah.

It is quite sad because many couples have a wonderful relationship where they enjoy many interests and laugh a lot together, but there is always the "dark side" that undermines the respect and trust. Sisters, don't expect to be able to trust him in the things he has a failed track record in. Try to focus on those things you can trust him in. An outlook that can help with this is to hate the actions and the cause of the actions - shaytaan and his wicked whispers - not the person.

As I tell all the sisters, find a smile from somewhere and try to be happy within yourself... with Allah and without your husband. Then just behave that way while he is around as well. He doesn't need to know that he isn't the cause of your smile or contentment. Compartmentalize, if you can...and I'm not saying it is easy at all. Me finding my happy place with Allah is how I don't end up being cold and resentful when something in the relationship is ruined.

You can be pleasant, laughing, affectionate, but the damage that is done means that part is real and part is an act. Remember that the act isn't really for your husband, it is for Allah's pleasure and to fulfill your obligations as a wife.The more you dedicate yourself and your love to Allah, the easier it gets to find happiness and separate yourself from the less pleasant aspects. Never forget, for every action there is a reaction. If you are happy and contented, it will have a huge effect on your husband and home.

Here's my analogy of the day. What happens when you have an unwanted guest? You know, someone you struggle to allow into your space. If you give them a bad reception, you will make them feel  unwelcome, uncomfortable, unwanted, which usually brings out the worst in them. Whereas, if you give them a good reception, then you give them ease and, inshaa'Allah, bring out the best in them. Our husband's are our most important guests, even when they err. It is our job to try to bring out the best in them bi ithn Illah, ta'ala.

Sisters, you are not alone in these struggles. Although our husbands may all do different things, many sisters go through this in varying degrees and are seeking advice on how to cope.

May Allah guide and help us all - ameen!

Polygyny: Would I ?

Bism Illah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

Over the years, polygyny has played a role in my life in many ways. When I was a single Muslimah, I had several proposals for polygyny and have witnessed polygyny attempts... and failures. One might think that with my attitude towards it, I might have been a willing candidate for polygyny.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I always looked at it with the questions:

What is the benefit for him?
What is the benefit for me?
What is the benefit for his family?
What are the losses for him?
What are the losses for me?
What are the losses for his family?
Does his wife want it? Does she accept and agree to it?
How does he plan to practice it?
Can he afford it?
Do we have similar goals?
Is he forward thinking regarding safeguarding our future and our goals collectively as a family?
Does he have genuine reasons for wanting to marry me?
What is his religious understanding and practice?

Believe me, there are plenty of other questions I could ask but I never even got past the first six or seven. Usually, I didn't even get past the first two! Needless to say, I didn't accept those polygynous proposals. In fact, in each case the first thing I asked the brother was, "What about your wife?" I will not be the one to hurt his wife, take time and resources away from his children, and ruin the simplicity of being one happy family unit. I'm not the party crasher. I'm not the one to squeeze a sixth person in a five-passenger car and cause discomfort for everyone on the journey.

I'm sure this sounds funny when I am in polygyny and have welcomed, or at worst case, accepted it into my life as a blessing and a test from Allah. However, there is a big difference between being a first wife where polygyny is imposed on you, and to be unmarried and make a conscious decision to enter into polygyny. The former entails having Allah send life changes and tests to you and facing them. The latter entails looking at  a prospective situation, its pros and cons, and choosing it.

So,  I wondered to myself, under what circumstances would I enter into polygyny? Before everything else, I would need to be in a situation where I needed to married...and where polygyny could work well or better than monogamy. Perhaps if I were widowed, needing support and stability for my children or to keep us in a certain place (like here in Madinah) it would become an option. Obviously there would need to be a great benefit to our Islam, with sound understanding and in depth knowledge. At my stage of life and deen, the only way to respect and obey a man is for him to have serious focus, obedience to, and worship of Allah.

So, if all this is in place, what's left? His wife. She must know me, understand me, love me, and actually want me in her life and family. She must be so satisfied with me that she would trust me to raise her children if something should happen to her. How's that for a tall order, LOL?

Now before anyone jumps up and argues, I know that the existing wife doesn't have to agree to polygyny. I know that she doesn't have to like me or be friends. I know that she doesn't even have to get to know me. This isn't about any Islamic requirements; this is about me and my heart and what I can live with. I cannot live with the guilt and fitna of marrying someone at the expense of others. I don't want to be another woman's heart wrenching test or unpleasant, lifetime burden. That makes for a wounded family. I will not expose my children to that and I will not accept that distraction from my deen and worship bi ithn Illah, taala.

I know what the implications of polygyny are. Basically, the first wife has to include and be affected for the rest of her life, by another woman who she never chose to share with, or even be friends with in many cases. The existence of that person in her family means that nothing is the same. Her marriage and marital intimacy is altered forever. There is no freedom to go on vacations without paying the price of time and money for someone else. Everything is on a schedule, restricted by time division and having to always be considerate of someone else. Everything is more complicated, more tiring, and sadly, less pleasant. It is a enormous and painful test for most women.

Marriage is supposed to be forever and it is meant to be one big family, on the same page, striving for the same goals, functioning in their respective roles, happy together and loving each other... for the sake of Allah. Sound too good, too ideal? Well, it isn't really; it will always have it's tests and trials. However, I've seen too much and been through too much to willingly settle for anything less that that.

May Allah bless us all abundantly, shower His soothing mercy on us, and make our good intentions a reality - ameen.

Don't Climb Every Mountain

Bism Illah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.


Ever feel like you had loads of big ambitions and don't know where to start? How about when you try to take on so many different things that you are overwhelmed by them all? Of course, there are always people who take on many things and believe they can do them all, and more. This all is relative to a person's ability and, more importantly, Allah's Will. However, what I have learned over the years is that people who try to climb every mountain, or a whole load of very big mountains, end up leaving a trail of broken promises and unfinished plans behind them. There is perfect truth in the sayings, "Something's got to give," and "Everything has a price." In the life of a believer, it must never cost them their deen.

I have made a point to be real with the people around me, my children, and myself. For example, if my children ask me to do a certain activity or make something, I think about the value or benefit it will have. I consider if it will please Allah, if it will draw us closer to Him, enhance our understanding, or improve our practice of Islam. Is it an attraction to, or a detraction from, Allah? If it is a healthy, beneficial activity, I will tell them what the chances are of us doing it and what variables (particular circumstances) need to be in place for it to happen. Sometimes is is as simple as them finishing their school work in good time, sometimes is is dependent on me finishing something or us completing chores. Sometimes it will require us to wait until we've gotten the things we need to do it. Sometimes it is something that simply doesn't draw us closer to Allah or benefit us enough to be worth it and then I say no, citing my reasons.

With friends, I may say it depends on my resources or my ability. Basically, I tell others that I will do what they want IF it isn't a distraction from Allah, IF Allah wills it, and IF I have what is needed for it. In all cases,  in the matter of a few seconds I assess the value of the task and it's price in my life and then make a decision.

When it comes to bigger things, I consider that if I died today, would I have been focusing on the right things? At least, now, I can say that I am actively focusing on the betterment of my deen, mashaa'Allah. My school is for my deen, not any other purpose, mashaa'Allah. My methods of child-raising are for Allah's pleasure in us all, inshaa'Allah. My care of my family and lifestyle are structured to adhere to Islam as well as possible, bi ithn Illah. Even my future plans are all to increase my emaan, tawakkal, and taqwa and that of my children, inshaa'Allah. I'm not doing wonderfully, but al hamdul'Illah, I can live with it and it is a seed to grow from, bi ithn Illah.

When I went to college a few years ago, it was to learn about education and how to raise and teach my children well, inshaa'Allah. However, when it came to me transferring to university to complete my teaching degree, I stopped. Not because it was too hard, but because it wasn't focusing on the right things. It wasn't for the improvement of my deen and it wouldn't help me fulfill my duties to Allah and my family. It would have been an obstacle - a mountain I was not willing to climb.

When you are considering your life, your goals, your future plans think about the various mountains around you. Then assess which mountains you should climb.

- If it takes you away from your primary purpose of living to worship Allah, say goodbye.

- If it distracts you from what's important in the Eyes of Allah and His Messenger (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam), say goodbye.

- If it keeps you so busy, you cannot find dedicated time every day to learn and grow in Islam and understand and memorize Quran, say goodbye.

- If it fills your mind or life with fitna, say goodbye.

- It it is for worldly gain, at the expense of fulfilling your obligations to your family and the Ummah, say goodbye.

We take on things that complicate our lives and distract us from our purpose in this life: worship of Allah.

Simplify. 

Don't climb every mountain; look at the mountains whose peaks get you closest to Allah and set your sights on those. All the other mountains will become, just as we are told in the Qur'an, like fluffy wool, unable to raise you to any beautiful heights.

Hold on to Your Hijab...

Bism Illah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

Ever get the timing all wrong and express your feelings, only to receive a really negative reception? How about when it seems to get worse and worse, whether you stay quiet or try to speak?

Basically, shaytaan has set up a big fairground, with his army of shayaateen running the rides, between you and that person. Be it your husband, friend, relative, or employer, nothing can get through to them without going through the fairground of fitna and that rotten devil's interference.

These are times when, although you desperately want to communicate and try to garner understanding and positivity, you will not succeed. These are times when you have to hold on to your hijab (or perhaps kufi, LOL) and bide your time. Believe me, I'm writing this because I need to take my own advice, LOL.

You may write down your feelings, get into details about your perspective, and even try to make an objective list of pros and cons... or 70 excuses. However, instead of handing them over or pressing send on the e-mail, pray 2 rakat and sit down with that list and pour it out to The Therapist. Take it to Allah. Just doing that will ease your heart and mind. It also puts the whole situation over to the Only One Who has any control over it and any power to change it for the good.

Allah will not change your situation if you think you can handle it yourself...and wouldn't that be idiotic thinking anyway?

 Allah says: “Call upon Me. I will answer you.” [Sûrah Ghâfir: 60] 

So, call upon Him and let Him resolve the situation in the most perfect way; in a way you would never be able to in your lifetime. Don't delay in turning to Him, so He doesn't delay in answering...and remember, holding on to your hijab drives shaytaan crazy. Allah is with the patient...and shaytaan has to run.  By the time you've handed it over to Allah and exercised patience, shaytaan will have been forced to pack up and take his fairground somewhere else.