Exposure

Bism Illah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

Exposure is a POWERFUL thing. It can cause dissatisfaction, greed, misery, materialism, divorce, corruption, and great haraam. However, handled with care and forethought, exposure is the key to positive outcomes, halal pursuits, and pleasure in the most simple things.

Part of the reason children like the things they do is simply due to exposure. If they are exposed to TV, music, video games, amusement parks, and shopping as forms of recreation, then they will be the things they choose from, along with the things they have seen through those media. You will find them constantly wanting the things they have seen advertised or in the shop windows. You will find them often inactive and considering Wii a viable form of sports.Rather than sit and talk face to face, they will communicate via the latest app, be it Whatsapp, Instagram or the ever present Facebook. Bad exposure results in parents hearing those awful words from their children, "I'm bored. There's nothing to do," because they always require entertainment from an external source.

However, when you expose your children to nature, playing in the park, making things out of mud, cooking, crafts, knitting, sewing, building things, growing things, physical activities and games, pretend role playing, and reading to learn about real people, places, and situations, you will find them choosing from those things as forms of recreation.The larger their repertoire of skills, abilities, intellectual and physical outlets, the more healthy, balanced, and competent they will be. Good exposure results in parents finding that their children are never bored; rather they don't have time to do all the different things they'd like to do.

When we were preparing for a trip to Makkah to meet up with my oldest friend and her family, my 7 and 10 year old daughters got out their knitting book and knitted a handbag and a phone cover for her youngest daughter - my namesake - Mai. They also knitted a purse for her older sister. We made them gifts of homemade coco-mint lip balm and honey and orange body bars. I baked them brownies. They don't think about having money to buy gifts for others, they think about what they can make - a gift made with love and thought and real effort on their part, maashaa Allah.

Exposure is something that can be done on a larger scale when socializing with other families, too. We went to the park and had knitting lessons. We had a monthly girls gathering where we cooked something healthy and delicious. We crafted rag rugs. We had theme nights where everyone dressed "prairie" and we cooked prairie food and learned about life back then for the pioneers.

I talk about my eating philosophy with friends and acquaintances, but it is never simply that. I feed them. I show them that you can eat halaal, tayyibaat, truly healthy and nutritious food that tastes wonderful, without compromise. I expose them to foods that are simple to make, so if they say they love them, I can give them the recipe and they can make it themselves easily with few ingredients.

Exposure is also da'wah. In sharing my thoughts and struggles publicly, I expose others to a positive approach to life's tests. I can expose them to better knowledge and understanding of Allah and His Perfection,  and how that can be applied in real-life situations, bi idhn Illah ta'ala.

So, consider the power of exposure, and seek not only to expose others to good and positive things, but also to ensure that you are being exposed to beneficial things... for this life and your ultimate success in the aakhirah inshaa Allah.

Parenting Posts

Bism Illah wa assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

I have always posted my writing on parenting here, but in an effort to restructure and keep things relevant, I will be posting them on the Healing Earth blog from now on inshaa Allah. Raising our children is a key element in healing them, ourselves, and the earth. We must teach and model for our children how to heal themselves - which is only possible and successful through Allah, subhaana wa ta'ala, and His clear Guidance.

Therefore, the latest posts can be found over on Healing Earth blog, specifically:
Homeschooling and The Parenting "Nothing," and Some Healing Strategies for Children, bi'idhn Illah ta'ala.

Theme Ayah and Ayah of the Moment

Bism Illah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

You know how some shows and people have a theme song and how the words of a song might pop up in their minds when triggered by something? Well, audhu b'Illahi min dhaalik (I seek refuge with Allah from that)! However, I usually have a theme ayah or an ayah from the Qur'aan that fits the occasion. It stays with me and plays itself over and over in my mind and on my lips, maashaa Allah. These ayaat have different purposes at different times in my life. Sometimes they are a reflection of what is going on around me. Sometimes they are pure medicine for me. This is just one way that the Qur'aan is a part of my life and I make it a part of others' lives.

Some examples of this are:

- When I hear foolish, vain, or unpleasant speech, I recite ayah 35 from Surat an Naba:

لَّا يَسْمَعُونَ فِيهَا لَغْوًا وَلَا كِذَّابًا {35}

which reminds me that in Jennah we will not hear such things...and hopefully reminds those around me that such speech is not pleasing to Allah.

- When I hear someone reciting the Qur'aan very quickly, without care or in an attempt to just "get through it,"  I recite ayah 16 from Surat al Qiyamah:

 لَا تُحَرِّكْ بِهِ لِسَانَكَ لِتَعْجَلَ بِهِ {16}

 - When we discuss hypocrisy and insincerity, I recite ayaat 10-12 of Surat al-Qiyamah:

يَقُولُ الْإِنسَانُ يَوْمَئِذٍ أَيْنَ الْمَفَرُّ {10}كَلَّا لَا وَزَرَ {11} إِلَى رَبِّكَ يَوْمَئِذٍ الْمُسْتَقَرُّ {12}

- When I witness bad behavior, I simply recite ayah 38 from Surat al Muddathir: 

كُلُّ نَفْسٍ بِمَا كَسَبَتْ رَهِينَةٌ {38}

- When my patience is tested, I recite ayah 12 from Surat al Insan:

وَجَزَاهُم بِمَا صَبَرُوا جَنَّةً وَحَرِيرًا {12}

And as for a theme ayah, well this past month my heart and mind have been preoccupied with major issues that a sister who has a large piece of my heart is facing. All that I could keep reciting is ayah 3 from Surat At-Talaaq:

وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ بَالِغُ أَمْرِهِ قَدْ جَعَلَ اللَّهُ لِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدْرًا {3}

I recited it during my Umrah and it has been my theme ayah ever since. In fact, I recite it so much and it is such a visible medicine to me, that my daughters are now on the bandwagon reciting it around the house as well, maashaa Allah. 

And you know what? It enables me to cope with life with constant remembrance of Allah and models to my children how they can do so as well.  It feels great to make these connections, in my life and that of my children. It feels greatest to respond with Allah's perfect words, rather than my own. Al hamdul'Illahi Rabbil aal ameen!

Nurturing...

Bism Illah wa assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

You know those flowers you see growing along the roadside or in the open fields? You look at them and think they grow naturally, without any human intervention or effort to keep them alive. They thrive in the most unlikely conditions, where other life forms don't thrive.

Sometimes we think of relationships in the same terms as those wildflowers. We think that they will thrive without any effort or maintenance on our part - naturally and in virtually any circumstances. The relationships most often viewed in this way are those of parent and child (from both sides), siblings (brothers and sisters), and spouses (husbands and wives), although it can happen in friendships and work situations as well.

However, those wildflowers cannot survive on nothing. They are not invincible; nor are they self sustaining. They require, at minimum, soil, water, and sunlight. Without those essential life-giving maintainers, they will die.

Do not take your relationships for granted and neglect them. Without sustenance they can suffer, and even die. Even the strongest and most resilient of them still needs nurturing. To this end, I recommend you revisit the posts, "Reach out Today" and "Make That Call." I needed the reminders, perhaps you do too.

Packing your 'Determination Suitcase'

Bism Illah wa assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

So you have a goal, like pleasing Allah, for example. How are you going to reach that goal? Foremost, you need determination to reach any goal. Do not mistakenly think that if you want to please Allah, it is simply a matter of asking Allah to be pleased with you and not making an effort that requires determination. Allah clearly tells us that He does not change the condition of a people until they change themselves. You need to pull out your determination suitcase and make sure it is packed with all the necessary things to enable you to reach your goal. This is what I envisage the determination suitcase to contain:

Sincere desire to reach your goal - One of the conditions for any act to accepted by a Muslim is ikhlaas -  sincerely doing it for the pleasure of Allah, Alone.

Education - The second condition for any act to be accepted by a Muslim is that it conforms with what Allah has legislated in the Qur'aan and the Sunnah.

Strength of character - People may try to get in your way, dissuade you, or persuade you to follow your whims and desires rather that stick to your plan. Even worse, they may try to get you to follow their whims and desires, because they find you less "fun." You need to be strong enough to say, "No. I have a goal and I'm determined, with the Help and Permission of Allah, to reach it."


Energy - It requires energy: physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional to do the necessary things to reach your goal.

Ability - You must be able to do the thing. After all, if I want to go for Hajj, but I have no mahrem, no funds, or cannot get a visa, then I don't have the ability to meet that goal at that time.

Discipline - If you don't have discipline, then you may not educate yourself in a timely and effective manner or execute your plan.

Patience - Things don't happen overnight and it often takes considerable time and assiduous work to make notable progress.

Perseverance - You have to keep on trying, because pitfalls, hiccups, and set backs usually arise along the way and you just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep on trucking.

It is important to ensure that we have all those critical components, and if some are missing, to work on them, develop and nurture them. Truly if one of the components is missing, we may not reach our goal...and pleasing Allah is the ONLY worthwhile goal of our lifetime.

Do Your Part

Bism Illah wa assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

You know, by now, that I am always advising you to make Allah your first, second, and third port of call when trouble strikes and when blessings come. However, there is something very important to remember when calling upon Allah for Help and Guidance for the good. You must eliminate any barriers that may prevent Allah from answering your du'a.

There are things that prevent our du'a from being answered, and while many of you know them, it is always good to be reminded. So, make sure if you are asking Allah, that you are firmly upon at-tawheed, worshiping Allah alone. Ensure that you are not associating partners with Him in any way, as this is something many people get sucked into by shaytaan and don't realize they are doing. Make sure you are obeying him to your best ability, that your income is halal, and that you are not committing sins. Then think of the attributes of Allah that you particularly need in relation to what you are asking Him, and call on Him by those Names.

Just as in any relationship, there are two sides - there is give and take. Du'a is a two way street, so do your part!