Quieter and Quieter

BismIllah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.

Subhaan Allah...this post is to mark progress in my development and give many of you hope. I am, by nature, a communicator and a sincere, caring advisor. In other words, I usually have something to say about other people's ideas, situations, and plans when they are presented to me. However, it hasn't always elicited a positive reaction, especially when I was not in agreement or felt strongly about it from an Islamic perspective.


For most of my life, I have suppressed negative feelings until they had built up so much that my whole demeanor changed. I could not go about my daily life without the negative feelings dominating my thoughts, attitude, and reactions. Most usually, I would end up blurting out my "issues" in a way that was neither well-planned or well-presented.

Well, that has changed all thanks and praise be to Allah, subhaana wa taala. These past few months, whenever I have negative feelings, I literally bite my tongue (gently...no self-abuse syndrome, LOL). My husband and I cannot help but laugh when I do it, mashaa'Allah. I purposely press my lips together. When specifically asked to speak, I really take my time and strive to relay basic facts or events from my own perspective, and/or objectively, rather than comment on others.

Then I read this:

It is reported that the wife of Imam Sa'id B. Al-Musayyib - Allah have mercy on him - said:

We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] "May Allah keep you right!", "May Allah keep you well!"

From the Manners of a Wife with her Husband

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.
After the death of his wife Umm Sâlih, Imâm Ahmad – Allâh have mercy on them, used to praise her. He once said:
In the thirty years she was with me, we never had a single word of disagreement.
Al-Khatîb Al-Baghdâdî, Târîkh Baghdâd 16:626.

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.

Abu Nua'ym, Hilyatu al-Awliya 5:198

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.

After the death of his wife, Umm Salih, Imam Ahmad - Allah have mercy on them - used to praise her. He once said:

In the thirty years she was with me, we never had a single word of disagreement.

Al-Khatib Al-Baghdadi, Tarikh Baghdad 6:626

Increasingly I avoid saying, "I told you so," or mention that I had advised against something that ended up going wrong. I don't even speak out about the things I disagree with anymore. I stay quiet and then I say, "May Allah keep you well! May Allah keep you right!" My husband and I literally laugh out loud, mashaa'Allah.

Now you all may be wondering what the result of all this has been so far. Those things I have managed to hold my tongue about, which were communicated to Allah for help and resolution, are coming to light, being examined, and being resolved, mashaa'Allah. I didn't speak about them, except to the One ("You alone I turn to and You alone I ask for help" - Surah al Fatiha, ayah 4).

Some things take time, but when you see Allah take over your affairs and rectify them without you speaking a single word about them to others, it is a great incentive to get quieter and quieter.

From the Manners of a Wife with her Husband

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.

From the Manners of a Wife with her Husband

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.

If silence is golden, then dua' must be platinum...

because it gets you through all those times you are silent.

The Addition Rule

BismIllah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

Most of us know, not just adults but children as well, that it really doesn't matter what someone says if their actions contradict it. After all, if someone tells you that you are highly valued and precious to them but then takes advantage of you, doesn't fulfill their promises and commitments to you and yet bends over backwards to lavish favors and things on others, will you believe them?


I call it the addition rule: everything should add up. One plus one should equal two.

i.e.: I say something (1), + my actions back it up (1), then it is, bi ithn Illah, true (=2).

Similarly, if a brother or a sister says they are practicing Islam and fear Allah, and yet aren't praying or following Allah's guidance and examples, will you believe them? Practicing islam and taqwa (1) + no prayers or practice (-1) = 0 on the truth scale.


There is so much value in being true to others, but we cannot be true to others unless we are true to ourselves.   You may think that you can hide the truth from others, but Allah may expose what you thought would never come to light. Don't take that chance. Don't be a liar to yourself, because in turn you will be a liar to others, and worse of all, you will be a liar in the Eyes of Allah.

Dunya Check

Bism Illah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

We can find excellent and detailed reading material on not giving importance to material things and avoiding pride, arrogance, and showing off, mashaa'Allah. However, I think we can all benefit from a daily dunya check.

Ask yourself why you are doing whatever you do.

• Why did you choose those particular clothes and accessories?
• Why are you buying whatever you plan to buy?
• Why are you giving or taking that thing?
• Why do you have each and every one of your possessions?

Think about it honestly. What influences your decision to do the things you do? Is it for the pleasure of, and obedience to, Allah? Or is it to present yourself in the best light and get others' approval or compliments? Is it to fulfill a life necessity? Or is it to add to the collection of things you want or like? Does everything you own have a genuinely beneficial purpose? Or is there a trace of competition in you, to in some way be better than, or outdo, others?

I'll pop an extreme (LOL) example in here now. I have some jewelry, mashaa'Allah. While it is all simple in design, it has notable value, mashaa'Allah. However, I very, very, rarely wear any of it.  The only thing I do wear are earrings (so my holes don't close up), which I change from time to time so my husband sees something different, and a watch.

You might think that I wear the jewellery when I go out to gatherings, but most especially I never wear it then. Why? Because I do not want to show off. I don't want to draw attention to my possessions. I don't want some sister, who may not have such jewelry, to feel jealousy or instill a desire for such material things in her. For me, such things are pure dunya. To be honest, I don't even see any reason to adorn myself in such a way for other women; such adornment is reserved for my husband.You might wonder why I even keep the jewelry, but it is for my children to inherit on my death. Allah only knows what they may need in the future, and it is their right.

I have things of good enough quality that they are beneficial to my well-being and health, but not so good that they are extravagant, inshaa'Allah. Believe me, I've been down the extravagant and wasteful road and I pray I see the road signs and never go down that road again, wa audhu b'Illahi min as-shaytaan ir-rajeem!

I know that often we don't like to ask ourselves questions that we don't have good, or the right answers, for. However, those are exactly the questions we have to keep asking ourselves if we are to correct ourselves and improve.

People don't know your worth - only Allah does. 

Strive to increase in value every day - just for Him.

Uh-oh, Missed October...November 2011

Bism Illah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

Please accept my apologies for not posting in October. I had various ideas that needed to be developed, but I focused my time and efforts on other more immediate things. Even now, I only have two posts this month because that is all I could develop well enough to be worthwhile. I won't write posts to pass (waste) your time or just to have some new words up on the screen. I write when there is something worth writing, bi ithn Illah.

My Cyberfocus:

www.80percentwords.com


Dhul Hijjah:


We are in these most revered 10 days of Dhul Hijjah.  If you are able to perform Hajj, go. If you are able to fast, fast, If you are able to give sadaqah, give. If you are able to pray more, pray. If you are able to speak, recite Qur'an and adhkaar of Allah. If you are only able to think, remember and beg of Allah. When Allah gives you days where there is no loss, only rich benefit from any good, take them! Don't waste your time, when so much opportunity is open to you every second of these precious days. That one utterance of al hamdul'Illah may tip your scales to the right hand side or elevate you one rank in Jennah!

May Yawm al Arafat be a merciful erasing of sins for you all , and on the upcoming occasion of Eid Al Adha 1432 -

Taqabbal Allah minna wa minkum!

To the Hurt, the Heartbroken

Bism Illah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

Sometimes it is very hard to see clearly when you are hurt or heartbroken by someone. To be honest, only Allah knows the complete situation from both sides and if their treatment or behaviour is wrong.However, when you are hurt, think about what will heal the hurt. Think about how things could be set right and what it would need from the person/people who hurt you. Then make dua...for them. 

Never forget that the dua' of the oppressed has no shield between the person and Allah. Ask Allah to guide  them to be better, closer to the manners and ways of the Prophet, salla Allahu alayhi wa salaam. Ask Allah to make clear to them what He Loves and what He Hates and guide them to all that He Loves. Ask Allah to show them the errors of their ways and correct them. Ask Allah to put love, for His Sake, between you and them. Ask Allah to increase their taqwa and emaan and make them an excellent servant of Allah. Seek protection from the fitna of them and the situation for yourself and your family. Then pray for all of those things for yourself as well and for anyone else involved. If everyone pleases Allah, then hearts will heal and success will follow.

This isn't Islam at a basic level, this is Islam at its finest. This is praying for the one(s) who hurt you to become among Allah's best and most beloved servants. Of course, it is up to Allah to guide them or not, but you get even greater than what you wish for others and if they are guided they will see the truth of their behavior and mend the relationship with you, inshaa'Allah.

If you wonder whether I have done this, I can say that I most certainly have and continue to do it, even when my heart is virtually in pieces from the behavior towards me. Al hamdul'Illah, it has never caused me loss. I have faced, and do face, many deep hurts and heartbreaks from people, but I know that the only way to make things better and heal my own heart is for them to get better. May Allah help and guide us all - ameen.

My Glass

Bism Illah wa assalaamu alaykum wa RahmatUllahi wa Barakatuh.


It is difficult to focus our minds on what we have, rather than what we don't. It is a fight, and many of us struggle to see the glass half full, instead of half empty. 

Recently I was provoked to consider that I didn't have visitors upon the birth of either of my daughters or after a surgery that had me in a real mess for a couple of weeks. I've never had anyone cook something or come to help out, etc. I believe that one or two kind souls did offer, but it certainly wasn't part of a community effort of sisterhood. What's important about that? Well, I won't write in such a negative way again, inshaa'Allah, because I never think of it like that.

I think of the fact that I had my babies, my surgery, and got through whatever other hardships that came along in exactly the way Allah Willed. I think of how Allah has blessed and guided my life so perfectly, with unrivaled Love and Attention. In fact, it has never crossed my mind that my glass was half full, either. I have every ounce of what I need, perfectly planned, designed, and provided by Allah, subhaana wa taala, for every second of my life. So no, my glass is not half empty or even half full; my glass is full - full to the BRIM! All thanks and praise to Allah, the Perfect Provider of all needs!