Watch Out - It's a Blessing!

Bism Illah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

I recently thought of something that spurred this post. I can easily see the blessings in tests and I write frequently about that. What I haven't written about is the tests that lie in blessings. When I first mention there being a test in a blessing, for some the first thing that springs to mind is the test of giving due thanks. That, most certainly, is one test. We must always remember that the blessing is a gift from Allah and give thanks to Him. However, we also need to look at the thing we perceive to be a blessing and see where else we are being tested by it. Here are some examples that I can think of from real life experiences.

Women are often tested with their beauty. They may be blessed with certain beautiful or attractive features, which Islam requires them to conceal them from general public view. The blessing is a test; will she guard her modesty and fight the desire for public praise and admiration? Will she take care of herself properly, mindfully maintaining the blessing Allah has given her?

The successful man, be it in financial status, work, education, or Islamic knowledge, is blessed. The blessing is a test; if he receives compliments, will he be humble and attribute all good to Allah, or will he start believing in his own self-made excellence? Will he use his success to worship Allah sincerely?

My daughter recently reflected on this subject and asked me how her doll can be a test. I told her to think about it for a moment, after which she almost instantly said that it is a test because she could spend too much time playing with it instead of doing her work. It could also be a test because she could be tempted to put a face on it and try to make it more realistic. Just a simple doll, a child's toy, but most surely a test.

Although it isn't always easy to see the test in a blessing, it is like a pulse - sometimes hard to find, but it is always there.  


May Allah, subhaana wa ta'ala, open our eyes to the tests He sends us and increase our emaan, taqwa, and tawakkal in order to pass them - ameen.

What Currency are you Dealing in?

Bism Illah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

How do you estimate the value of something?

Subhaan Allah, those of you who know me, know that I tend to come up with analogies for things. For the various things I guard and warn against, I often find new and different angles from which to approach them. Just recently I was faced with someone who was comparing people's worth in terms of their physical attributes.  Girls here are fed the exact same stereotypical "princess" concept as in the West. So many children (and adults, sadly) think that the stereo-typical Disney princess characters are the ideal. Even here in Madinah, many girls show off their princess pictures, notebooks, stickers, and bags. Fortunately ours, and those children of our good friends, do not get such items, but there is still the underlying ideal planted in their minds.

Having pretty dresses, nice hair, slimmer figures, and beautiful faces are the benchmarks for being "better." Yes, I know I've written about such things before on the post, When We Stand Before Allah, but from the aspect of pride (kibr) and arrogance.  However, the aspect I'm addressing is how we value such things. Looking at such things as valuable, or being something that has great weight or worth, is dealing in dunya dollars. When they are presented in front of Allah as proof of achievement and good in this life, those dollars won't be worth the paper they are printed on.

However, when we look with admiration at those who have beautiful manners (akhlaaq), are modest in all situations (hayaa), take care of their speech and actions (taqwa), recite the Qur'an correctly and implement it, learn and teach Islam as practiced by the Salaf, and truly worship Allah in all situations, then we can see that they are dealing in a completely different currency. They are holding Islamic ingots that are worth their weight in gold when presented to Allah. Rather than the dunya dollars, which will burn into ashes, they will be dealing in a currency that reaps Allah's rewards, which last for all eternity.

If anyone innovative and creative would like to take these three concepts and make up a family game or reward system, you have my wholehearted support. However, if you do, please let us know so others may know and benefit from it. We need to teach our children (and remind ourselves) that accruing dunya dollars might get us to the finish line, but the Islamic ingots will make us the real winners of Allah's rewards.

Parenting Audit

Bism’Illah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

Subhaan Allah, parenting is a test I truly fear I will fail. Time and time again, when I promise myself I will not get upset or raise my voice, I find every single button has been pushed and I am upset and shouting. May Allah forgive me and bring me to a far better place – ameen.  However, when my children say things that imply that I am totally unreasonable to punish them for bad behavior or to make conditions regarding how they can get things they like, I start to wonder if I have failed in imparting my message. Just recently, it seemed like the time had come for a parenting audit. 

So, after reading a thought-provoking  title on someone's  blog, I decided to ask my daughters what was important to me. Yes, I typed it rightly; I asked them what they thought was important to ME.  Without hesitation they said, in unison, “Jennah - us pleasing Allah and getting to Jennah.”  For those of you who know me, the veritable leaky tap, you know that I cried when I heard that. I cried tears of relief and of sheer gratefulness that, regardless of how hard it is at times to bear their behavior and words, my goal for them was known.

Part two of the audit came a day or two later, when we had a tawheed lesson. Afterwards, and with much encouragement because they enjoy these lessons, mashaa’Allah, I read them  a post on How the Salaf raised their Children. I heard a slight groan when I got to parts that they weren’t adhering to, but I was urged to read them another post on Questions Pertaining to Children’s Clothes. After finishing, I asked them if, based on what we had read, I was doing my job properly. A unanimous, “Yes,” was the response, mashaa’Allah.  

The audit will continue, inshaa’Allah,  where I read other parenting guidelines to them and have them be the judge of whether I’m meeting the standards. There are several more very relevant ones on the same website, and I have some other resources along those lines as well. I plan to read sections of Minhaj Al Muslim to them on daily etiquettes, manners, prayer, etc. and have them judge if I am modeling and teaching them correctly.  

These are all important lessons that children need be reminded of, ad nauseum at times. They love to be given lessons where they can show that they already have in-depth knowledge and understanding of the subject. They love to get the answers right.

In going over these critical issues, I not only remind about, reinforce, and re-encourage behaviors, but I make them look at it from a different perspective. I make them consider if I have taught them and shown them these important lessons.  Some of you may be thinking, surely Mai knows if she taught them those things and models them or not. You’re right, I do. However, my children need to consciously acknowledge that I do. It doesn’t help to tell them that I do all that for them, but it does help when they have to examine me and realize it for themselves.  

May Allah increase us in 'ilm (knowledge), sabr (patience), hikma (wisdom), rahma (mercy), rifq (kindness), emaan (faith), taqwa (peity), ibaadah (worship), and bestow on us a large, and much needed, extra dose of sabr (patience)- ameen!

Shaytaan's Sneaky Plans

BismIllah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

I am increasingly aware of shaytaan's long-term machinations; how he has pretty much got us surrounded. I am going to list a couple of those things, because the more we are aware of those devilish schemes, the more we can guard and fight against them.

Lusts

Lately I've been thinking of how we follow our lusts. In fact, when we manage to control ourselves regarding one lust, we pursue another to congratulate ourselves. Of course, this is all succumbing to shaytaan's suggestions, as he will work from every angle imaginable to put us in a state of loss. Tell me if you can in some way relate to any of these scenarios.

• After having the will-power to control your eating, you celebrate by "treating yourself" to something frivolous or luxurious that you don't need.
  
• After having the will-power to control the urge to shop, you "treat yourself" and binge on chocolate, chips, or some other unhealthy food.
  
• After studying hard for a test or meeting a deadline, you "treat yourself" to a few hours of relaxation watching the latest movie or surfing the latest celebrity gossip.

We don't struggle to conquer our lusts, we struggle to conquer one lust and then replace it with another -.perhaps one we consider the lesser evil. If we conquer the lust for one Islamically undesirable thing, we succumb to the lust for another. Just think about it: entertainment, consumerism, socialization, and over-indulgence - one lust after another. If we try to categorize our lusts and excesses to see which category shaytaan is working his sneaky plans, for the most part we will find that he gets us from most, if not all, of them. 

Internet

Now just think of this amazing Internet. We all know that there is a great deal of haram and fitna to be found on it. We also know that there is a wealth of information, beneficial knowledge, and a way of maintaining the ties of family and ummah. However, even with removal of images and muting the sound to avoid music, in the name of da'wah and beneficial communication, we cannot avoid every image and often end up wasting valuable time. We easily get sidetracked. In searching for information, we easily get sucked into conversations. The time required to respond to e-mail, keep up with news (even if limited to Islamic matters), is notable. I have numerous friends who tell me about the fitna of Facebook, wasting time on inane details of others' lives - things of no benefit, or even worse, of harm. Is it the best use of our time? Is it even decent use of our time? Is it all worshiping Allah? Is Allah pleased with our activity or not? 

When I think of the Internet, I remember the ayah of Quran in Surah Al Baqarah revealed about alcohol and gambling.

"They ask you (O Muhammad ) concerning alcoholic drink and gambling. Say: "In them is a great sin, and (some) benefits for men, but the sin of them is greater than their benefit.'' (2:219)

The Internet is another sneaky, circular plan of shaytaans, because it is essential for normal life and information as we know it and yet, it holds traps from the time we open up the browser.

These are just three little examples of shaytaan's long-term machinations. That rotten devil doesn't just whizz around whispering for us to make a bad decision or do a wrong thing. He has been working on communities, societies, countries, and the world since the time he was cast out, rejected by Allah. He's had literally thousands of years to develop his plans, which leave us encircled.

Oh, I know this sounds terribly depressing and rather hopeless...but it is not. Awareness is part of the solution and so is caution. When we can see those plans in action throughout society, we also build up awareness of the very real fact that shaytaan never sleeps. He is always trying to sabotage our good end. Seeking a way out through dua' is another. May Allah increase our taqwa, our wisdom, repel us from what He hates, and what leads to what He hates. May Allah show us how to worship Him in all situations,  and strengthen us against shaytaan's sneaky plans - ameen.

Running to Catch the Last January Bus!

Bism Illah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

A thousand apologies! I have not, in any way, managed to get my act together and develop all the deep-as-the-ocean thoughts I've been having over these past months. In fact, I have this epic post about shaytaan's sneaky plans which I've added to here and there, but still cannot wrap it up and present it to you all. Perhaps a big dua' is in order for me to really put things together and make a decent contribution in February...which is just a matter of hours away.

Anyway, what I read this past couple of months was notable in that it is a subject we don't think about too much. It also was a verification of several points I've firmly believed, advocated for, and adhered to over the years. The book is called, "Waswasah, The Whispering of the Shaitan." and it is excellent preparation for my upcoming post, bi ithn Illah ta'ala, on shaytaan's sneaky plans.  If you scroll down to the bottom of this page you will find the book available for download.

If your really in a reading mood, I highly recommend the book Patience and Gratitude on that same page. I'm working my way through all the books and, as always, benefiting immensely, mashaa'Allah.

Goodbye January...and to all who have asked me why I haven't updated this blog, sorry for the no-show!

Quieter and Quieter

BismIllah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.

Subhaan Allah...this post is to mark progress in my development and give many of you hope. I am, by nature, a communicator and a sincere, caring advisor. In other words, I usually have something to say about other people's ideas, situations, and plans when they are presented to me. However, it hasn't always elicited a positive reaction, especially when I was not in agreement or felt strongly about it from an Islamic perspective.


For most of my life, I have suppressed negative feelings until they had built up so much that my whole demeanor changed. I could not go about my daily life without the negative feelings dominating my thoughts, attitude, and reactions. Most usually, I would end up blurting out my "issues" in a way that was neither well-planned or well-presented.

Well, that has changed all thanks and praise be to Allah, subhaana wa taala. These past few months, whenever I have negative feelings, I literally bite my tongue (gently...no self-abuse syndrome, LOL). My husband and I cannot help but laugh when I do it, mashaa'Allah. I purposely press my lips together. When specifically asked to speak, I really take my time and strive to relay basic facts or events from my own perspective, and/or objectively, rather than comment on others.

Then I read this:

It is reported that the wife of Imam Sa'id B. Al-Musayyib - Allah have mercy on him - said:

We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] "May Allah keep you right!", "May Allah keep you well!"

From the Manners of a Wife with her Husband

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.
After the death of his wife Umm Sâlih, Imâm Ahmad – Allâh have mercy on them, used to praise her. He once said:
In the thirty years she was with me, we never had a single word of disagreement.
Al-Khatîb Al-Baghdâdî, Târîkh Baghdâd 16:626.

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.

Abu Nua'ym, Hilyatu al-Awliya 5:198

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.

After the death of his wife, Umm Salih, Imam Ahmad - Allah have mercy on them - used to praise her. He once said:

In the thirty years she was with me, we never had a single word of disagreement.

Al-Khatib Al-Baghdadi, Tarikh Baghdad 6:626

Increasingly I avoid saying, "I told you so," or mention that I had advised against something that ended up going wrong. I don't even speak out about the things I disagree with anymore. I stay quiet and then I say, "May Allah keep you well! May Allah keep you right!" My husband and I literally laugh out loud, mashaa'Allah.

Now you all may be wondering what the result of all this has been so far. Those things I have managed to hold my tongue about, which were communicated to Allah for help and resolution, are coming to light, being examined, and being resolved, mashaa'Allah. I didn't speak about them, except to the One ("You alone I turn to and You alone I ask for help" - Surah al Fatiha, ayah 4).

Some things take time, but when you see Allah take over your affairs and rectify them without you speaking a single word about them to others, it is a great incentive to get quieter and quieter.

From the Manners of a Wife with her Husband

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.

From the Manners of a Wife with her Husband

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!”
Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198.

If silence is golden, then dua' must be platinum...

because it gets you through all those times you are silent.