BismIllah wa as salaamu alaykum.
There are no coincidences. I continue to have these experiences where I find that Allah leads me to a certain place, in worship, thinking, levels of understanding, etc. and then, a while later, they are validated by someone or something. Here is an examples about love.
I wrote about love, about arriving at a place where I understand that love is wanting another person to please Allah in every aspect of their life and find their ultimate end in Jennah al Firdaus. I even wrote that it isn't love to leave someone to do haram, but it is love to correct and advise in any way possible to bring them to obedience in the Eyes of their Creator. I believe this is the real love, something that has real value. I can no longer view those who spend time together in friendship or a relationship, to the detriment of their obedience and ibaadah to Allah, as ones who love each other. They are following and feeding each others' selfish desires. Then I read this:
"Sufyaan ath-Thawri said, “I might meet a brother and as a result, remain heedless (of what I should be doing) for an entire month.” A friend, Sufyaan insisted, should be someone who helps one to improve as a Muslim; otherwise he is not worth keeping as a friend. Sufyaan expressed this sentiment when he sad, “If someone is not with you, then he is against you.” And Yousuf ibn Asbaat reported that he heard Sufyaan ath-Thawri say, “Whenever I spoke contrary to the desires of any man, he, regardless of who he was, would inevitably become furious with me. The people of knowledge and piety have departed.” Sufyaan once advised someone to test the character of the person he wanted to befriend. Sufyaan said, “Choose whoever you want as your companion. But when you have made your choice, make him angry, and then order someone to go and ask him what he thinks about you-without him knowing that you sent that person.” Bakr ibn Muhammad Al-’Aabid related that Sufyaan ath-Thawri once said to him, “Direct me to a man with whom I can keep company.” Sufyaan said, “You are searching for something that cannot be found.” Khalf ibn Ismaa’eel Al-Barzaanee reported that he heard Sufyaan ath-Thawri said, “Acquaint yourself with fewer people, and as a result, you will backbite less (frequently).” And Sufyaan ibn ‘Uyainah said, “I once saw ath-Thawri in my sleep and I said to him, ‘Advise me,’ and he responded, ‘Acquaint yourself with fewer people.”
So, what I have found is that those I love will accept my advice, knowing that I want what is best for them and that it is given out of love. When one truly seeks out those people of humbleness and piety, then friendship and love is possible. It inevitably does result in having deep relationships with fewer people. However, those relationships will, inshaa'Allah, be pleasing to Allah and you will form a wall of believers...bricks to each other and ever growing in strength.
A blog of my realities and desperate striving to please my Creator while being a daughter, wife, mother, friend, and human being on this earth. It's ALL about Jennah (Heaven) and getting through this life with that clear goal in sight.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Friendship...near or far
BismIllah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.
I'm about to embark on a series of posts all along the theme of "There are no Coincidences." They will have different titles, relating to the specific subject, but they all testify to the fact that everything is part of a Plan...a Plan so Perfect that it controls, down to the second, what happens to us, when, and why. So, because this subject has been raised lately and I have just spoken to three friends who I haven't maintained contact with consistently since moving to Madinah, I'm focusing on friendship.
I have never been a person to have many friends. However, those two or three friends I had were precious to me and they had my whole heart. I cried for their pains, I spent sleepless nights trying to find solutions to their problems, I gave of myself and tried to be a benefit to them. May Allah forgive me for all the times I fell short or failed in my duties to them - ameen.
Over the past years, particularly these past eight years since getting married and living in the USA, I made more friends. Now, I'm not easy in this. I may have acquaintances, sisters, and relatives, but friends is a very slim and serious category in my life. Why? Because hearts speak to each other and it is only those very sincere, striving sisters that I have seen clearly as kindred spirits. We don't have to change the channel on our radios to be on the same wavelength. The more I have been publicly exposed, the more kindred spirits I have found across the globe. However, I always struggle to keep up with these friends, to talk to them regularly, send e-mail, be there for them .
I am very focused on taking care of my family, of working on my development and understanding with Allah, and now, on using my time carefully and wisely to learn and grow in Arabic and Quran as well as do right by my children. That is a tall order. It requires far more than 24 hours a day. So, daily chats with friends go by the wayside and I feel guilty, like a bad and neglectful friend. Allah knows, I think of all my friends every day. When I say, "Rabbana a'tina fee dunya hasanatan wa fil aakhirati hasanatan wa qinna adhaab an-naar," in my prayer, I am saying it for all of us. They are never forgotten, never out of my heart.
Today, Allah sent me, through someone else's blog post, something that put it all together for me. No matter how bad I may feel about not being available for daily chats and whiling the time away, this really is the bottom line.
"Sufyaan ath-Thawri (may Allah have mercy on him) said that one foolishly compromised one’s religion when one kept too many friends. Having too many acquaintances diverts one from one’s duty towards one’s Lord, for a person who has many friends is always busy socializing with them and fulfilling their rights over him; so he becomes prreoccupied with people when he really should be preoccupied with his religious duties."
I became preoccupied with my husband and children, to the lessening of my religious duties. Then the influx of friends affected it too. Now I am focusing on being "a friend with priorities." When my help is needed, inshaa'Allah I will be there for all who need me. When things are fine, we just get on with our lives and love each other without too many daily interruptions. Frankly, the more time I spend improving my relationship with Allah, the better a friend I will be...because inshaa'Allah He will answer my dua' to sit on those jeweled thrones with my beloved friends in gowns of istabraq and bangles up our arms...glowing faces, reflecting His Perfect Light - ameen.
So rather than exclude these beautiful souls from my life, I keep things within limits so that they do not become a fitnah for me, or I for them. Bi ithn Illah, taala, every one of them will understand and appreciate this and we will seek each other out for the best of reasons and with the best of rewards - ameen.
I'm about to embark on a series of posts all along the theme of "There are no Coincidences." They will have different titles, relating to the specific subject, but they all testify to the fact that everything is part of a Plan...a Plan so Perfect that it controls, down to the second, what happens to us, when, and why. So, because this subject has been raised lately and I have just spoken to three friends who I haven't maintained contact with consistently since moving to Madinah, I'm focusing on friendship.
I have never been a person to have many friends. However, those two or three friends I had were precious to me and they had my whole heart. I cried for their pains, I spent sleepless nights trying to find solutions to their problems, I gave of myself and tried to be a benefit to them. May Allah forgive me for all the times I fell short or failed in my duties to them - ameen.
Over the past years, particularly these past eight years since getting married and living in the USA, I made more friends. Now, I'm not easy in this. I may have acquaintances, sisters, and relatives, but friends is a very slim and serious category in my life. Why? Because hearts speak to each other and it is only those very sincere, striving sisters that I have seen clearly as kindred spirits. We don't have to change the channel on our radios to be on the same wavelength. The more I have been publicly exposed, the more kindred spirits I have found across the globe. However, I always struggle to keep up with these friends, to talk to them regularly, send e-mail, be there for them .
I am very focused on taking care of my family, of working on my development and understanding with Allah, and now, on using my time carefully and wisely to learn and grow in Arabic and Quran as well as do right by my children. That is a tall order. It requires far more than 24 hours a day. So, daily chats with friends go by the wayside and I feel guilty, like a bad and neglectful friend. Allah knows, I think of all my friends every day. When I say, "Rabbana a'tina fee dunya hasanatan wa fil aakhirati hasanatan wa qinna adhaab an-naar," in my prayer, I am saying it for all of us. They are never forgotten, never out of my heart.
Today, Allah sent me, through someone else's blog post, something that put it all together for me. No matter how bad I may feel about not being available for daily chats and whiling the time away, this really is the bottom line.
"Sufyaan ath-Thawri (may Allah have mercy on him) said that one foolishly compromised one’s religion when one kept too many friends. Having too many acquaintances diverts one from one’s duty towards one’s Lord, for a person who has many friends is always busy socializing with them and fulfilling their rights over him; so he becomes prreoccupied with people when he really should be preoccupied with his religious duties."
I became preoccupied with my husband and children, to the lessening of my religious duties. Then the influx of friends affected it too. Now I am focusing on being "a friend with priorities." When my help is needed, inshaa'Allah I will be there for all who need me. When things are fine, we just get on with our lives and love each other without too many daily interruptions. Frankly, the more time I spend improving my relationship with Allah, the better a friend I will be...because inshaa'Allah He will answer my dua' to sit on those jeweled thrones with my beloved friends in gowns of istabraq and bangles up our arms...glowing faces, reflecting His Perfect Light - ameen.
So rather than exclude these beautiful souls from my life, I keep things within limits so that they do not become a fitnah for me, or I for them. Bi ithn Illah, taala, every one of them will understand and appreciate this and we will seek each other out for the best of reasons and with the best of rewards - ameen.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
My Heart is Constricted and my Tears cannot be Contained
BismIllah wa as salaamu alaykum.
Put this day down in my history book. There have only been a few of them in my life...since being Muslim. This is one of those days when the thing I cannot tolerate happened. I was misunderstood by someone dear to me and I hurt her. My speech and actions caused her to cry. As soon as I realised, I apologised and tried to clear it up. However, that was the least of the matter.
I cannot stand to be misinterpreted or misunderstood by those close to me. I'm not talking about the difference in British English or American English. I'm talking about someone thinking there is something negative, malicious, hurtful, condescending, or hateful in what I say. When someone interprets my words or actions in a way pleasing to shaytaan, I become ill. My heart is constricted, my stomach is in knots, and I cannot raise a genuine smile without tears.
Mashaa'Allah, by now the matter has been cleared up and I have managed, through a torrent of tears, to apologise again and make it clear that this was a big mistake on my part. Why? Because, I should take more care about what I say and how I react to people, taking into consideration how it might be misconstrued. Why? Because taking care of my every dealing with others is part of taqwa and part of loving for others what I love for myself.
However, even though all is well between this young girl and myself now, I am not fine. I have sat in prayer, drippy-nosed and runny-eyed making dua' al istighfar and praying Allah will guide me to much better conduct and thoughtfulness. I'm disappointed in myself; sick of my stupid mistakes. Audhu b'Illahi min asshaytaan irrajeem!
Don't worry. I cannot leave it at that. I'm grateful to my Rabb that He resolved the misunderstanding today. I'm grateful to have this experience to humble me and to, inshaa'Allah, guide me to improvement. I'm grateful that my heart is in ruins and I am in a state of despair when I do something wrong. All thanks and praise is for Allah, who gives us EXACTLY what we need, EXACTLY when we need it....for verily the reminder benefits the believer and the lesson increases taqwa and emaan.
Put this day down in my history book. There have only been a few of them in my life...since being Muslim. This is one of those days when the thing I cannot tolerate happened. I was misunderstood by someone dear to me and I hurt her. My speech and actions caused her to cry. As soon as I realised, I apologised and tried to clear it up. However, that was the least of the matter.
I cannot stand to be misinterpreted or misunderstood by those close to me. I'm not talking about the difference in British English or American English. I'm talking about someone thinking there is something negative, malicious, hurtful, condescending, or hateful in what I say. When someone interprets my words or actions in a way pleasing to shaytaan, I become ill. My heart is constricted, my stomach is in knots, and I cannot raise a genuine smile without tears.
Mashaa'Allah, by now the matter has been cleared up and I have managed, through a torrent of tears, to apologise again and make it clear that this was a big mistake on my part. Why? Because, I should take more care about what I say and how I react to people, taking into consideration how it might be misconstrued. Why? Because taking care of my every dealing with others is part of taqwa and part of loving for others what I love for myself.
However, even though all is well between this young girl and myself now, I am not fine. I have sat in prayer, drippy-nosed and runny-eyed making dua' al istighfar and praying Allah will guide me to much better conduct and thoughtfulness. I'm disappointed in myself; sick of my stupid mistakes. Audhu b'Illahi min asshaytaan irrajeem!
Don't worry. I cannot leave it at that. I'm grateful to my Rabb that He resolved the misunderstanding today. I'm grateful to have this experience to humble me and to, inshaa'Allah, guide me to improvement. I'm grateful that my heart is in ruins and I am in a state of despair when I do something wrong. All thanks and praise is for Allah, who gives us EXACTLY what we need, EXACTLY when we need it....for verily the reminder benefits the believer and the lesson increases taqwa and emaan.
Friday, April 30, 2010
La! La! La!
BismIllah wa as salaamu alaykum.
All thanks and praise be to Allah, He made me a joyous soul. From the time I wake up, I'm bright and lively, mashaa'Allah. Very often, people find me saying, "La! La! La!"
It's my trademark. It's my daily declaration. It says, "I'm grateful for EVERYTHING." It means, "Al hamdu l'Illah!" It is joyous, happy, and infectiously optimistic. It is the result of my heart bursting with love for Allah, subhaana wa taala, and His every blessing. It makes my children, friends, and colleagues smile. It means I'm happy.
You, too, might find these three words lifting your spirits and those around you. Try it...you might like it.
All thanks and praise be to Allah, He made me a joyous soul. From the time I wake up, I'm bright and lively, mashaa'Allah. Very often, people find me saying, "La! La! La!"
It's my trademark. It's my daily declaration. It says, "I'm grateful for EVERYTHING." It means, "Al hamdu l'Illah!" It is joyous, happy, and infectiously optimistic. It is the result of my heart bursting with love for Allah, subhaana wa taala, and His every blessing. It makes my children, friends, and colleagues smile. It means I'm happy.
You, too, might find these three words lifting your spirits and those around you. Try it...you might like it.
La! La! La!
Monday, April 19, 2010
The Bad Guy-ette
BismIllah wa as salaamu alaykum.
I'm the bad guy-ette. I'm the one who asks if the children went to the bathroom and brushed their teeth when they just want to jump out of bed and play. I'm the one who asks if they have wudhu before they pray. I'm the the who notices that, even if they say they have wudhu, they haven't been to the bathroom in over 4 hours and need to go first and then perform the ablution again. I'm the one who wakes everyone up for fajr. Back and forth to knock on the door again or shake the shoulder until they get up.
I'm the bad guy-ette. I'm the one who tells them to tidy up. I'm the one who makes them say sorry. I'm the one who gives them proof about their wrongdoing and doles out punishments or tells "Daddy." I'm the who has to say, "No," most of the time. I'm the one who has to say, "Stop it!" I'm the one who has to say, "Please,be quiet." Then, "I said, be quiet!" Then, "Shut up!" I'm the Manners Police, the Sunnah Supervisor, the Life Skills Trainer, the Prison Guard.
I know there are many of you out there holding the same position. You, too, are the bad guys and/or bad guy-ettes. I don't know about you, but I get tired of it. I get tired of the dirty looks, the rude backtalk, the negative reactions all directed towards me just because I'm doing my job. But, for all of you in the same boat, here's what I remembered last Saturday: the prophets Nuh (Noah) and Ibrahim (Abraham) alayhum ussalaam. These are examples of patience. These are examples of grace and incredible perseverance under mass rejection and duress. These are human examples sent to us by our Creator (Allah) who make what we put up with seem like an atom in the universe. They did it for the Good, for the Right, to try to bring mankind to success in this life and the next...and that's exactly why we do it.
So, now when I get the rolled eyes or the muttering under the breath as a reaction to some guidance or directive I've given, I just think to myself, "Nuh! Ibrahim!alayhum ussalaam" After all, this is just one young, immature person who doesn't know what's best for them. I may face it with all the children in my care, but it's nothing compared to a whole people. Keeping it in perspective makes being the bad guy-ette not so quite so bad.
All Praise and Thanks is for Allah, our Most Perfect and Merciful Guide!
I'm the bad guy-ette. I'm the one who asks if the children went to the bathroom and brushed their teeth when they just want to jump out of bed and play. I'm the one who asks if they have wudhu before they pray. I'm the the who notices that, even if they say they have wudhu, they haven't been to the bathroom in over 4 hours and need to go first and then perform the ablution again. I'm the one who wakes everyone up for fajr. Back and forth to knock on the door again or shake the shoulder until they get up.
I'm the bad guy-ette. I'm the one who tells them to tidy up. I'm the one who makes them say sorry. I'm the one who gives them proof about their wrongdoing and doles out punishments or tells "Daddy." I'm the who has to say, "No," most of the time. I'm the one who has to say, "Stop it!" I'm the one who has to say, "Please,be quiet." Then, "I said, be quiet!" Then, "Shut up!" I'm the Manners Police, the Sunnah Supervisor, the Life Skills Trainer, the Prison Guard.
I know there are many of you out there holding the same position. You, too, are the bad guys and/or bad guy-ettes. I don't know about you, but I get tired of it. I get tired of the dirty looks, the rude backtalk, the negative reactions all directed towards me just because I'm doing my job. But, for all of you in the same boat, here's what I remembered last Saturday: the prophets Nuh (Noah) and Ibrahim (Abraham) alayhum ussalaam. These are examples of patience. These are examples of grace and incredible perseverance under mass rejection and duress. These are human examples sent to us by our Creator (Allah) who make what we put up with seem like an atom in the universe. They did it for the Good, for the Right, to try to bring mankind to success in this life and the next...and that's exactly why we do it.
So, now when I get the rolled eyes or the muttering under the breath as a reaction to some guidance or directive I've given, I just think to myself, "Nuh! Ibrahim!alayhum ussalaam" After all, this is just one young, immature person who doesn't know what's best for them. I may face it with all the children in my care, but it's nothing compared to a whole people. Keeping it in perspective makes being the bad guy-ette not so quite so bad.
All Praise and Thanks is for Allah, our Most Perfect and Merciful Guide!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
How Many Atoms Make a Bomb?
BismIllah wa as salaamu alaykum.
Yet again, I was in tears after a thought struck me today. It came during the Jumu'ah prayer and just developed from that point forward. How many small things does it take to end up with something big? How many little indiscretions, little mistakes, or omissions can we make before it ends up being a serious issue to answer for on Yawm id-Deen (the Day of Judgement)?
We are told to follow the Quran and the Sunnah. We are told to love the Prophet Muhammad (sal Allahu alayhi wa salaam) more than we love our own selves and families. We are told to emulate the example of the Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam), to take what he gives us and leave the rest.
We are told that if we don't have something good to say, "ismut" - we cannot say anything at all. How many times do we forget or simply ignore that command? How many times do we forget to remind our children to step into the bathroom with their left foot, step out with their right foot, and say the appropriate dua'? How many times do we forget ourselves? How many times do we dhikr after the fard prayer so quickly that we paid no attention to what we were saying? How many times have we let something, or someone, get in the way of us dhikring at all?
How many times do we stand up or walk around eating or drinking. Many of us can quote the ahadith about the etiquettes of eating, about sitting when we eat or drink, about eating with our right hand, about taking the piece of food nearest to us, and filling just 1/3 of our stomach with food, etc. We relate these etiquettes to our children and remind them to say "bismIllah" before they eat, but then we relax...we forget as we pass them something with our left hand. We don't pay attention to them eating with their left hand. We don't check if they said bism'Illah. We don't tell them to sit down to eat and drink. We forget to be the model for them and follow those guidelines ourselves. Everyone eats until they are full.
How many atoms does it take to make a bomb - around 53,000 in reality, but in just one day we commit so many small errors, omissions, or sins that they can easily add up to a bomb before we even know it. Some people think I'm very fastidious about these things, and in general I try to cover all the bases, but I find myself constantly missing something or other. Alhamdul'Illah, we err and we seek forgiveness...but when the errors, omissions, and sins are from our own laziness or carelessness, then I wonder to myself how many will it take before we have something huge on our left-hand side account to answer for?
Audhu b'Illahi min asshaytaan irrajeem!
Yet again, I was in tears after a thought struck me today. It came during the Jumu'ah prayer and just developed from that point forward. How many small things does it take to end up with something big? How many little indiscretions, little mistakes, or omissions can we make before it ends up being a serious issue to answer for on Yawm id-Deen (the Day of Judgement)?
We are told to follow the Quran and the Sunnah. We are told to love the Prophet Muhammad (sal Allahu alayhi wa salaam) more than we love our own selves and families. We are told to emulate the example of the Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam), to take what he gives us and leave the rest.
We are told that if we don't have something good to say, "ismut" - we cannot say anything at all. How many times do we forget or simply ignore that command? How many times do we forget to remind our children to step into the bathroom with their left foot, step out with their right foot, and say the appropriate dua'? How many times do we forget ourselves? How many times do we dhikr after the fard prayer so quickly that we paid no attention to what we were saying? How many times have we let something, or someone, get in the way of us dhikring at all?
How many times do we stand up or walk around eating or drinking. Many of us can quote the ahadith about the etiquettes of eating, about sitting when we eat or drink, about eating with our right hand, about taking the piece of food nearest to us, and filling just 1/3 of our stomach with food, etc. We relate these etiquettes to our children and remind them to say "bismIllah" before they eat, but then we relax...we forget as we pass them something with our left hand. We don't pay attention to them eating with their left hand. We don't check if they said bism'Illah. We don't tell them to sit down to eat and drink. We forget to be the model for them and follow those guidelines ourselves. Everyone eats until they are full.
How many atoms does it take to make a bomb - around 53,000 in reality, but in just one day we commit so many small errors, omissions, or sins that they can easily add up to a bomb before we even know it. Some people think I'm very fastidious about these things, and in general I try to cover all the bases, but I find myself constantly missing something or other. Alhamdul'Illah, we err and we seek forgiveness...but when the errors, omissions, and sins are from our own laziness or carelessness, then I wonder to myself how many will it take before we have something huge on our left-hand side account to answer for?
Audhu b'Illahi min asshaytaan irrajeem!
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