I am the mother of two girls, 4 and 7 years old, and the stepmother of a 10 year old girl and a 12 year old boy, wa al hamdu l'Illah ala kully haal! In the beginning, this mothering thing was very new to me. Being an only child, I was totally unprepared for the in-house fighting, backbiting, sneakiness, and all that other
I have always made dua' to be a better mother, to guide them the best way, and to be a good model for them. That, however, just didn't seem to be enough. I have made connections, shown examples, and have that whole "mother-e.s.p." that knows what's going on. I was resident spy, noticing irregularities that signal teeth weren't brushed with toothpaste, showers were skipped, wudhu wasn't made, etc. It was becoming a real task, because I'm also cooking, homeschooling, studying, etc.
BUT...I discovered something this past year, which became invaluable in my job as Muslimah mother. When I went for Umrah, I had nothing short of Divine inspiration. I asked Allah to show my children His Haqq. I told Him that we, as parents, could only talk about it and give examples, but HE could make it real and evident to them. I asked that He leave no stone unturned in responding to their deeds and showing them right from wrong, cause and effect. I asked that He show them, clear as day, that what we teach them is the truth and let it be reinforced in all aspects of their life. I also asked that He make evident to us the reality of our children, the good and bad. In this way, we can deal with them and guide them accordingly.
Subhaan Allah! It has been nothing short of incredible how much has come about since then, because when you go to the One Who can help, He does. Qadr Allah, there is nothing that the children do in sneakiness or error, trying to hide it or thinking that they are getting away with it, that Allah hasn’t exposed, mashaa'Allah. There has been clear cause and effect in all that they do, mashaa'Allah! All the things that we have taught and inforced they hear from all manner of other sources now - from school, from friends, in books, from friend's parents, and even from people they don't know.
I feel so much more comfortable knowing that I have turned those things that are beyond my abilities to our Creator. I feel much clearer about what’s going on and find I can manage them and their upbringing far more effectively and easily now. It has even changed my reactions and responses to them. When it is obvious that someone is telling an untruth and it isn't being admitted, I simply say, "Never mind." To which they all look at me in wonderment. I then follow it up with, "Allah Knows the truth and He is The Fair. He is also the One to punish, and He hates liars." When they see that I'm putting the responsibility back on them for their actions, to answer to Allah for, it changes the whole picture.
This may be the same thing all you good mothers have been making dua' for from day one, but for me it is nothing short of a revelation. If this is news to even one other mother out there, I highly recommend you make this dua’. It is an amazing thing to behold when it is answered, wa al hamdu l’Illahi Rabb il aal ameen!