Friday, November 26, 2010

The Parental Disclaimer

Bism Illah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

I've had another epiphany, mashaa'Allah! It came to me when I considered how possible it is that at least one of our children will get married and leave home and not uphold the things that we have taught them. Now, of course, it is no longer our responsibility once they are grown and gone. However, I seriously dislike the idea of a son- or daughter-in-law, and perhaps even the family-in-law, thinking that we never bothered to raise our children well. My idea is to draw up a document, a Parental Disclaimer, itemizing all the major things that we have taught our children and that they know about. In this way, if they don't adhere to those things outside of our home, at least we have educated them prior to them taking a different path.

My disclaimer will look something like this:

We, father of the child and mother of the child, do hereby testify that we have taught our child named: xxxxx, the following things.
  • Personal Hygiene: 
  • Brushing teeth morning, night, and before fajr prayer. 
  • Cutting nails and making ghusl on Friday. 
  • Bathing regularly and putting dirty clothes in the laundry. 
  • How to blow their nose and never to pick their nose. 
  • How to make istinja and wash hands after going to the bathroom. 
  • How to use soap and water to get clean. 
  • How to make wudhu. 
  • How to conserve water. 
  • How to use a brush and comb.

Life Skills:

  • How to operate a washing machine successfully. 
  • How to clean a bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, living room. 
  • How to iron clothes.
  • Washing and drying dishes.
  • Basic cooking, including baking cookies and bread. 
  • Eating in in moderation. 
  • Eating healthily. They KNOW about bad fats, pesticides, steroids, growth hormone, and artificial everything to avoid. This is an organically raised child.
  • They can tell the time and they can operate an alarm clock.
  • They have been taught math and should not be believed if they say they don't know how to find the area of a room or figure out the change due to them in a supermarket.
  • We have taught them how to pray, when to pray, sunnah prayers, prostration of forgetfulness, and what to do if joining a prayer that has already started. 
  • We have educated them on fiqh regarding tahara, prayer, ramadan, hajj, zakat, and done everything possible to ensure they understand tawheed clearly. 
  • We have modeled and corrected them on manners and social dealings. They know when they should say please, thank you, excuse me, and they don't leave the table without asking to be excused.
  • We have provided them with extensive information on heaven and hell and the behavior and paths that lead to each destination. 
  • They been woken up for fajr every day since they turned 10 years old.
  • They have read the whole Quran, know the etiquettes of recitation, and the rules of tajweed.
  • They have lived a life based on emulating the Sunnah in their daily life.
We pray that they will follow the path to Jennah, but if they start acting up or misbehaving, then - for the record - we did our job. 

Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list because I haven't had time to think of all the details. Also, it will grow as the children get older, but it's probably a good idea to start jotting down things from now. Then it will be comprehensive by the time they are ready to fly from the nest, inshaa'Allah.

Please feel free to use this idea if you think it will work for you. Although I cannot stop a smile when I think of a Parental Disclaimer, hubby is warming up to the idea and I'm all for it, LOL!

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