I read a post, "Eating His Cake and Having Hers?" on another blog recently, which has triggered this post. It was an article about polygyny written by a man, explaining the various reasons men seek polygyny. It was an attempt to open up channels of communication on this ever touchy subject, and I pray Allah rewards him for that - ameen. However, some sisters commented with nothing but derogatory statements, which put a damper on anyone who might have wanted to expand on the positive side. In effect, they said that men should lower their gaze, men are self-serving, and men should have more control over their desires rather than jump on the polygyny bandwagon.
Okay, I agree! Men should lower their gaze, the should be considerate and sacrifice for others, and they should have more control over their desires. They should also pray just like Rasool Allah, salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam, and behave just like him, and do everything for the most righteous reasons with great taqwa and emaan. I say "should" because everyone has to have an ideal of how they "should" be. The ideal for us all is the Prophet, salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam.
Of course, men are often complaining that women are deficient in emaan and 'ilm. Women don't control their tongues well, don't understand men's needs, and are too demanding. They want women with excellent adaab, emaan, taqwa, and Islamic knowledge. The women should also spend more romantic time with them, look fantastic, and be lively and entertaining after a day of tending to children, cleaning the house, and cooking. Men want to hear pleasant conversation, not the trials of the day and discipline issues of the children. The women should be like the Prophet, salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam, with the added exemplary qualities of Khadijah or Aisha (radhi Allahu anhunaa).
So, in effect, man's biggest crime in the eyes of woman is that they aren't the ideal man. And guess what? Woman's biggest crime in the eyes of man is that they aren't the ideal woman.
Well, take it to Allah and stop expecting the world from mere humans. Allah created "insaan" - mankind - with imperfections; that is part of the big design. This life is a test, and we are here to struggle against shaytaan and our own nafs as part of the Divine Decree.
Man errs, man repents, man learns.
Man errs, man repents, man gains emaan.
Man errs, man repents, man grows.
Man errs, man repents, man gains taqwa.
Here is a concept that we, as Muslims, really need to implement:
Successful people don't spend their time placing blame, they look for solutions to the problem...
...and all solutions come from Allah, not people.