As salaamu alaikum wa Rahma Allah wa Barakatuh.
I posted this as an answer for a sister, but thought it might benefit as an individual discussion topic for all sisters who have problems holding their tongues with their husbands and communicating positively.
Although there are many books you may read on how to deal well with your husband, there is something so very simple that in sha Allah, if followed, will save you from putting your foot in it whenever you open your mouth.
I made up a 1,2,3 rule for someone who has a similar problem. I tell them that before they respond to anything, count to 3 and run through their minds these three things:
1) The responsibility of the Muslim regarding what he says:
"Not a word does he utter but there is a watcher by him ready to record it"
[Surah Qaf (50): ayat 18]
2) and the hadith:
"Let whosoever believes in Allah and in the Last Day either speak good or be silent... "
[Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
3) Then consider how you would like to be spoken to and emulate that.
Then, if you are calm, respond. That time (3 little seconds, subhaan Allah!) often saves us from saying something we would regret. I STRONGLY suggest that you keep this little 1,2, 3 reminder on an index card or something... even post it on the fridge and other visible places. This not only acts as a reminder to you, but it shows your husband that you are seriously trying to improve and correct yourself. It will also serve to remind your husband that he needs to be kind and gentle in his speech as well, even if he finds situations frustrating at times.
May Allah make smooth the path to His pleasure in our marriages - ameen. May we blossom with Allah's Guidance and the guidance of our husbands - ameen. May our struggle for improvement be greatly rewarded and be met with success - ameen.