Monday, August 16, 2010

If he likes it, don't mess with it.

As salaamu alaikum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh akhawaati,

I have heard many sisters say that their husband likes something about them which they don't. This is one of those things that just keeps on coming up in conversations with other sisters masha'Allah. Sadly, we sometimes compare ourselves to the whole Western definition of how we should look... like the non-Muslim women who have undermined everything about Islam and a woman's confidence! Subhaan Allah! We never read in ahadith about the women during the time of the Prophet, peace be upon him, having issues about their bodies or even their hair. Every one dealt with what Allah, subhaana wa taala gave them and simply did what was pleasing to her husband.

Of course, some things may be out of our control, but generally the idea of dying our hair, losing weight, changing our wardrobe, etc. when our husbands don't want us to, is disobedience. Ironically, we only hurt ourselves in the end and then we have no confidence because our husband is displeased with what we've done to ourselves.

So, please remember, you are here to PLEASE YOUR HUSBAND. Pleasing him is your Jennah. If your husband likes your big behind, KEEP IT! If he loves your love handles, HANG ON TO THEM! If he prefers your hair curly, DON'T MAKE IT STRAIGHT! It's not all about us and our twisted perception of ourselves... it's all about pleasing our husbands and what he likes in us. I guess it's kind of like the saying, "If if isn't broken, don't try to fix it." It's all about getting into Jennah through any door we wish, sisters.

Once we stop trying to compete with each other and just worry about our husband and what he likes behind closed doors, we will also eliminate a great fitnah between sisters. We shouldn't be thinking or saying about our sisters, "she's so slim, her hair's so long, she wears such cute clothes," we should be looking at each others' hearts and sincerity. We should be focusing on striving together to be obedient to Allah, SWT. All the rest is just dragging us down.

May Allah, SWT, grant us all the ultimate success and purify our intentions - ameen.


  1. asalam alaykum sis, I agree that we should not compare ourself with the westernised definition of beauty. But, how about my needs and what I want? My husband may like straight and I like curly and I like straight...I would wear it curly sometimes, but I won't be curly forever.

    Alhamdulilah he understands that my happiness is his. He may like me a certain weight, I will try to be healthy.....something for both of us. I can not do it all to please him when I dislike it so marriage is the middle path. I like it, I will keep it. Not in a selfish way, but I want to be ok with the vision I see on the mirror.

  2. Wa alaykum as salaam wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh Sadia.

    Jazaaki Allahu khayran for your comment. I, too, have things I like that I keep. However, within normal and reasonable bounds, I try to avoid certain things I know my hubby hates.I have found that I can balance it well enough that he can appreciate a change now and then without it being against his likes. We, too, have a middle path and haven't have much of an issue with this subject.

    However, I wrote this because there are many sisters I have encountered who are hellbent on their own idea of how they "should" look, and cannot accept their husbands' are happy with them as they are. Marriage is always about "compromise and harmonize," but we need to listen to each other to be able to do that.

    Wishing you the ultimate success and a beautiful Ramadan!