As salaamu alaikum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh my dear sisters,
I've been thinking about this subject for the past day and it is so important that I have to write about it.
First, I want those of you who are mothers to think deeply about your children. Think about your love for your children, the time and effort you invest in them, the love of Islam and righteousness that you strive to instill in them throughout their lives. Think of your place in their life when they are small and helpless, when they grow older and turn to you for guidance, when they are grown and rely on your love and home cooking. I'm sure you can see much of yourself in your children. Fast forward to the day that your sons get married. You pray that his wife will be a blessing and benefit. You pray for a wife with a good, clean heart.
Sisters, some things about being a mother are universal. Just as you played a huge role in the life of your son, his mother played a huge role in the life of your husband. From the day you decide to marry, open you heart to his mother. Offer her your love, as you offer your love to your husband. Seek her advice and guidance on things your husband likes or dislikes. Ask her for recipes for some of his favorite dishes. She is the one most deserving of his company... three times more than his father and before you.
Put aside any preconceived ideas, any cultural phobias if she is not from the same culture or background, and just relate to her as you would like your own son's wife to relate to you. You may not even speak the same language, but a warm, loving, and positive attitude don't need any words. Every culture has beautiful aspects...show admiration for those things. Praise delicious foods, beautiful clothes, intricate crafts and furniture, etc. Whatever positive there is to find, seek it out and focus on it. So many of those things you benefit from in your husband can be directly traced back to his mother's upbringing. Give her credit, show your thanks, and encourage your husband to include her more in his life.
May we enter Jennah through any gate we choose our husbands and our Creator well pleased with us - ameen.