Monday, August 16, 2010

The REAL Cause of Marital Problems

As salaamu alaikum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh

Marriage is a blessing...and a test. With it comes a whole new person to live with, get along with, and grow with. However, there is no Islam without hardships, and there will be times when we experience nushooz - marital discord. Does it have to be a big argument? No. Does it have to be a big subject? No. It can be as simple as a seemingly careless or hurtful response. It can be as small as irritation with an old habit.

From a woman's perpective, I realized long ago that it isn't our husbands we are hurt by, it isn't our husbands we are irritated by, it is the workings of shaytaan on them and us. After all, when we ask a question and get a response which upsets us...who whispers the negative thought to our husbands? Who whispers the upsetting response? That old devil. He sees things going fine and has to try even harder to cause a fitnah. Sisters, we aren't up against our husbands ....we are up against shaytaan!

The first thing I say in any situation that seems to be a source of fitnah is "audhu b'Illahi min as shaytaan ir rajeem!" I start making serious dua' for shaytaan to leave me and my husband. I dhikr, recite Quran, put Quran on the CD player, and just keep on repelling him with Allah, subhaana wa taala's, name. I beg Allah, subhaana wa taala, to remove us from shaytaan's grip and deafen us to his wicked whisperings. As long as you know who you are up against, you can kick shaytaan out and things will return to goodness bi ithn Allah.

Oh sisters (and brothers), don't ever forget who you are up against...and don't give him any rights. I don't capitalize his name, because that rotten devil shaytaan doesn't deserve such respect. He is our enemy and the enemy of our marriages. May we all find the ultimate success in the reliance and remembrance of our Creator, the One Who has the Power to right ALL things - ameen.

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